Duck and Cover

I decided to make a story where you add bits onto the end but make it more intresting mabye? I dunno.

THE RULES

1. keep it short
2. finish with half a sentence
3. start with the last half of the other sentence

ok NOW FOR THE EXCTITING STORY
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Dirk walked into POLICE HQ, the water-cooler exploding and he narrowly back-flipped out of the way, his leather trenchcoat flapping around in the wind. He slapped a few hi-fives and other things the police are meant to do.
"Hey Dirk I hear POLICE CHIEF WINSTON wants to see you."
Dirk turned around to face his arch-rival lesbian mutant nemesis, Mary.
"Thanks Mary, how about you and me go out for a meal later? AT THE HOSPITAL!"
Dirk whipped out his akimbo glocks and emptyed all 3 clips into her boobs, the plastic and kevlar and blood sprites flying everywhere.
"Clean up on aisle 5!" yelled dirk, swinging the pistols on his fingers and crossing them above his crotch. He tangoed across the office and waltzed towards the chiefs office.

He opened the shitty wooden door and his colleagues immediately crowded around the window to see what kind of trouble dirk would get into this time.
"Dirk! How many times have I got to tell you? SQUAD CARS COST MONEY! AND AFTER THAT INCIDENT WITH THE PANDAS AND THE MONKEYS AND THE MAYOR YOURE LUCKY TO BE ON THE FORCE!"
The overwieght chief yelled as Dirk wandered around his office and touched his things, broke a trophy and laughed at a picture of his son on his desk.
"Yea well I had to stop those killer-robotic-terrorists somehow. How else can you kill a group of people without blowing up your car, blowing up a building and blowing up the mayors genitals?"
"Well dirk, since you lost your partner/brother/father in that burning building a few years ago meet your new partner!"
Dirk gave Winstorn the crazy-eyed look when suddenly the door swung open and the trenchcoated figure stood in the smoke.
"Mitch? IM NOT WORKING WITH HIM! HES WHITE! EVERY COP ON THE FORCE HAS A BLACK PARTNER!" Dirk was flabbergasted at how terribly un-preditable this was. It didn't follow any sort of logic that he'd seen in the movies.
Mitch, a rookie cop that had escaped from russian rap school suddenly...

jumped up from under the chief's desk. The chief blushed and zipped up his fly.
"Okay. I get the message," Dirk snarled.

"Don't try any of your dirty ways on me, or you're toast," he instructed his new partner on the way out.

The next stop was the computer room, the tiny personal kingdom of Senior General Constable Greg, PhD. (The police keep everything very official these days.)

"Howdy, Greg," Dirk hollered.
"0MGF!!!1111 ur 4li3v d1rk?/ roXOXOr!!1'
"So, whatcha got?"
"vv3l|...

"vv3l|..."

Dirk frowned, and hit Greg repeatedly until he stopped talking like a Jeff K wannabe.

"Look, you are NOT '1337 liek Jeff K' so STOP, kay?"

Greg looked dejected, then kept talking. "Okay, well, right. What'd you want? 'Cause, um, these folks need me back at this other site I work at by like three."

"Shit man, you still work for that beastiality site?"

Greg stuttered. "LOOK, SOMEOME LEFT THEIR DOG ON THE GODDAMN SET. OKay? And...um...started...humping whatever was at leg height. IT WAS THE DOG'S FAULT!"

"Whatever. Look, I need info on these robot...

...monkeys for umm... personal research yeah that's it, so can you get me that info?"


Sam replied "No"

Then suddenly Sam spouted tenacles and started raping a near by japanses school girl in a plad skirt. So Dirk whipped out his Sawed off 410 and started blasting gas pipes.

Jerry screamed...

like a little girl. Dirk forwned and whipped out his double-akimbo katanas and with a few swishes everyone was dead.
"Damn terrorists!"
Suddenly a hand reached up out of some rubble. It was Mitch! Dirk ran to him, his crotch drenched in sweat. Mitch grabbed at his sagging balls as they slapped against his chin, when he realised IT WAS ALL A DREAM! Or something.

Greg put down the CS PTCH 1.6 and talked a while, and the team discovered that Mitchs house had been broken into!
"Damn, my wife and child were there!" said dirk, looking a little suprised and confused.
"I have idea that we go to your home and investigate." Said mitch, while they walked down to their new squad car. Greg ran out shouting something about hi-tech-talking-experimental-alien-flying-car, but mitch and dirk skidded away.

Many hours later, they came to Mitchs house, where dirks family had been living for the past week or two.
"Why are you so angry wiht the force?" said Mitch as they investigated the strange goings-on. Dirk suddenly sat down and rubbed his fore-head, recapping the terrible evernts where his father had died in the terrible weed fire all those winters ago. Suddenly a sudden noise suddenly made dirk stop telling the story and suddenly they realised SOMEONE WAS IN TEH APARTMENT WIHT THEM! Dirk pulled out his...

dong.

"Heh, oops. Damn thing gets in the way all the time." He zipped his fly up again and whipped out his desert eagles. But at that moment, the bad guy was already holding him at gunpoint with a Derringer.

"Whassup my niggaz?" asked the intruder as he

noted that no niggaz were in attendance. A fierce look of rage and vague disappointment crossed his face like when you see goatse for the first time.

"Biznatches!" he yelled, shooting bananas from his derringer. One of the bolts of yellow doom whizzed at Dirk's face and

dirk narrowly dodged it as it hit a barrel of oil behind him. Oil started pouring out onto the floor and Dirk grinned with a smile, that was similair to some sort of movement with his mouth. He pulled out a match and lit his cigarette, wich appeared out of nowhere.
"Don't play wif fire U swell guy OMG NEED ADMIN"
and Dirk threw the match at...

Pyro wrote: and Dirk threw the match at...

...small kitten in the corner of the room.

The feline was set ablaze by Dirk's match, and...

...stared wildly in muliple directions for five minutes. Then Dirk whipped out his double akimbo duelies flamethrower and ....

paynetothemax wrote:Then Dirk whipped out his double akimbo duelies flamethrower and ....

...dropped them.

The droppping of the flamethrowers caused a small nuclear explosion, thanks to the flamethrowers hitting what scientists like to call an OMG BIG EXPLOSION particle that was occupying a small space in the floor.

Somehow, Dirk, Mitch, and the small fiery kitten were still alive because...

...FEV. Then something happened that was of the happening kind of happenings....

quickly jumped away from the exploding building and jumped into KNIGHT RIDER car and were chased by YAKUZA! that skidded round the corner on...

...tricycles. But Dirk pressed a button and the knight rider turned into the speed racer! Dirk assumed a dramtic pose and yelled "...

lol you suk, as the midget army raced towards him with space plasma guns shootin.
Dirk quickly pulled his...

4-ton Asian elephant out of his pocket dimensional vortex. He then tied it to a nearby passenger plane with a sturdy steel cable and told it to pull. Seeing this, the midgets tied themselves to another nearby plane and pulled. Dirk smiled and

said "FOX = loLz". Then he whipped out his double ultimate duelies akimbo super pez dispencers and ...

noticed that he had no more guns. Having noticed that, he said "Fuck!"

Upon uttering this word, the space-time continuum collapsed, because the main positive hero should never

say naughty things. So Dirk prayed to the lord almighty jesus for slavation! He got down on his hands and knees and said..

"Where my people at?"

Tears rolled down his cheeks. Some divine force heard his desperate plea and sent to him...