I've been watching a sickening amount of movies lately, so I figured I'd start my own little review column. Feel free to agree, disagree, write an alternate review, or whatever.
The basics:
All movies are rated on a scale between 0 and 666. 0 is absolute crap (Gigli), and 666 is better than sex (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre).
I may also add little things at the end of the review, like "sucks sober, fun while drunk", "for hardcore fans only", etc.
That's about it, pretty simple. I won't just be reviewing horror movies, either, that's just what I've been watching recently.
Oh yeah, and I'll make each review one post, just to make things easier on me and you.
Satanisgreat Presents: Movies from Hell
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satanisgreat
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Satanisgreat Presents: Movies from Hell
Last edited by satanisgreat on Wed Sep 03, 2003 4:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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satanisgreat
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Freddy Vs. Jason
I saw this the day it came out, on the first showing. To tell you the truth, I had pretty low expectations for this movie. Mainly I was disappointed that they chose not to use Kane Hodder as Jason so he didn't tower over Freddy and make him look like a skinny bitch. But I'm a diehard F13 fan, and the first Nightmare is one of the best horror movies out there, so I couldn't stop myself from seeing it. I'd been waiting for this since the fourth grade, and I'd even written my own screenplay back then.
Bottom line: the movie kicked serious ass. All of my fears were laid to rest within the first ten minutes of the movie, then I just sat back and enjoyed it. I had been hearing alot of complaints like, "New Line is just trying to cash in, it's going to be a crap movie that the fans won't like." Wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. This movie is for the fans. It's exactly what you expect it to be. Freddy Vs. Jason, no more, no less.
The gore (well, more blood than gore) is state of the art. I loved it. In the days of computer animation for everything, it's very refreshing to see some good old fashioned makeup work and pumps brought out in a new movie. The few CGI scenes were very well done and didn't look fake or distracting at all, which is rare for horror movies that choose to use them. And it is bloody. Gloriously bloody. I'd estimate maybe twenty deaths.
Like I mentioned before, the main gripe I have is the dumbing down and weakening of Jason so he can match up to Freddy. They throw in some nonsensicle stuff about Jason being afraid of water. I guess it makes sense in the context that he died when he drown, but if you watch Manhattan or Part 3 or a few others, he doesn't seem to be afraid of it, or anything else for that matter. Freddy remains pretty much the same: lame jokes and dreamstalking. The funniest line comes from a kid at a party, though: "That's one pissed of goalie".
If you like the movies and have been waiting as long I have for this to come out, go see it. You most certainly will not be disappointed. Otherwise, watch the movies first, then go see it. Or just see it. It's great.
Rating: 534
I saw this the day it came out, on the first showing. To tell you the truth, I had pretty low expectations for this movie. Mainly I was disappointed that they chose not to use Kane Hodder as Jason so he didn't tower over Freddy and make him look like a skinny bitch. But I'm a diehard F13 fan, and the first Nightmare is one of the best horror movies out there, so I couldn't stop myself from seeing it. I'd been waiting for this since the fourth grade, and I'd even written my own screenplay back then.
Bottom line: the movie kicked serious ass. All of my fears were laid to rest within the first ten minutes of the movie, then I just sat back and enjoyed it. I had been hearing alot of complaints like, "New Line is just trying to cash in, it's going to be a crap movie that the fans won't like." Wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. This movie is for the fans. It's exactly what you expect it to be. Freddy Vs. Jason, no more, no less.
The gore (well, more blood than gore) is state of the art. I loved it. In the days of computer animation for everything, it's very refreshing to see some good old fashioned makeup work and pumps brought out in a new movie. The few CGI scenes were very well done and didn't look fake or distracting at all, which is rare for horror movies that choose to use them. And it is bloody. Gloriously bloody. I'd estimate maybe twenty deaths.
Like I mentioned before, the main gripe I have is the dumbing down and weakening of Jason so he can match up to Freddy. They throw in some nonsensicle stuff about Jason being afraid of water. I guess it makes sense in the context that he died when he drown, but if you watch Manhattan or Part 3 or a few others, he doesn't seem to be afraid of it, or anything else for that matter. Freddy remains pretty much the same: lame jokes and dreamstalking. The funniest line comes from a kid at a party, though: "That's one pissed of goalie".
If you like the movies and have been waiting as long I have for this to come out, go see it. You most certainly will not be disappointed. Otherwise, watch the movies first, then go see it. Or just see it. It's great.
Rating: 534
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satanisgreat
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Jeepers Creepers 2
Just saw it two nights ago. Story goes something like this: The Creeper (he's creepy, trust me) awakes every 23 years, eats human body parts it likes for 23 days, then sleeps another 23. The movie starts out the day after the first one takes place. He abducts a farmer's kid, and his father gets pissed and hunts him down. A high school football team's bus breaks down courtesy of the Creeper, and it terrorizes them.
The movie can be split into two halves. The first one is above average, the second is below. The opening scene is well done and cinematic (the movie is made be American Zoetrope, Francis Ford Coppola's company). The scenes on the bus are also well done. There's a clostrophobic atmosphere and paranoia very similar to Night of the Living Dead and it works well with the Creeper as the ghoul.
Once the Creeperhunter farmer guy shows up, it doesn't fare so well. It starts to get very cliche and goofy (not in a good way). There's alot of running and flying which was done very poorly and ineffectively in my opinion. I was discussing it with my friend's girlfriend after we saw it. She's one of those people who jumps and closes her eyes at all of the scary parts. She said she couldn't watch the first half, but had no problem with the second. I said that's because the second half sucked. She agreed with me. And the ending is pure cheese.
The Creeper has great potenial to become a horror movie icon right up there with Jason, Mike Myers, Pinhead, and Leatherface. Unfortunately the second halves of both of the movies he's been in just have not been that good, and I'm really puzzled as to why.
However you felt about the first one, chances are you'll fell exactly the same about the second one.
Chances for a sequel: very good.
Rating: 317
Just saw it two nights ago. Story goes something like this: The Creeper (he's creepy, trust me) awakes every 23 years, eats human body parts it likes for 23 days, then sleeps another 23. The movie starts out the day after the first one takes place. He abducts a farmer's kid, and his father gets pissed and hunts him down. A high school football team's bus breaks down courtesy of the Creeper, and it terrorizes them.
The movie can be split into two halves. The first one is above average, the second is below. The opening scene is well done and cinematic (the movie is made be American Zoetrope, Francis Ford Coppola's company). The scenes on the bus are also well done. There's a clostrophobic atmosphere and paranoia very similar to Night of the Living Dead and it works well with the Creeper as the ghoul.
Once the Creeperhunter farmer guy shows up, it doesn't fare so well. It starts to get very cliche and goofy (not in a good way). There's alot of running and flying which was done very poorly and ineffectively in my opinion. I was discussing it with my friend's girlfriend after we saw it. She's one of those people who jumps and closes her eyes at all of the scary parts. She said she couldn't watch the first half, but had no problem with the second. I said that's because the second half sucked. She agreed with me. And the ending is pure cheese.
The Creeper has great potenial to become a horror movie icon right up there with Jason, Mike Myers, Pinhead, and Leatherface. Unfortunately the second halves of both of the movies he's been in just have not been that good, and I'm really puzzled as to why.
However you felt about the first one, chances are you'll fell exactly the same about the second one.
Chances for a sequel: very good.
Rating: 317
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satanisgreat
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Hellraiser: Hellseeker
The sixth one in the series. Direct to video, so you can't expect much. But you get alot more than you expect.
Actually, all of the Hellraiser movies have been pretty good. I wasn't particulary fond of Part 2, but it wasn't horrible. In this one the main character is played by the same guy who played O'Reilly in OZ. I'm not sure what his name is, but he's a good actor. He pretty much carries the entire movie on his shoulders and does it well.
Think Silent Hill. That's what first came to mind when I watched the movie. The atmosphere and even the story is very similar. Some say that SH was inspired by the Hellraiser movies, but either way...they kind of go hand-in-hand.
The movie starts off with O'Reilly driving off of a bridge in a car with his wife. He tries to get her out, but he can't. He then wakes up in a hospital complaining about killer headaches. He has a flashback or a dream where doctors are performing a brain surgery on him that intergrates the parts of his brain that normally sepeate the sections that differentiate pleasure and pain. Then the detectives investigating what happened on the bridge the day of the accident find the Box, Pinhead appears, and chaos ensues.
Very surreal, very Lovecraftian. If you like that kind of stuff, try to find this movie. I found it at my local Blockbuster, so it shouldn't be that hard.
Main gripe: not bloody enough. Even though blood and gore aren't really necessary in this kind of story (and might actually detract from it) I've come to expect some gruesome deaths in Hellraiser movies. And don't bother comparing this one to the first one, because none of them can shake a stick at that juggernaut.
Rating: 483
The sixth one in the series. Direct to video, so you can't expect much. But you get alot more than you expect.
Actually, all of the Hellraiser movies have been pretty good. I wasn't particulary fond of Part 2, but it wasn't horrible. In this one the main character is played by the same guy who played O'Reilly in OZ. I'm not sure what his name is, but he's a good actor. He pretty much carries the entire movie on his shoulders and does it well.
Think Silent Hill. That's what first came to mind when I watched the movie. The atmosphere and even the story is very similar. Some say that SH was inspired by the Hellraiser movies, but either way...they kind of go hand-in-hand.
The movie starts off with O'Reilly driving off of a bridge in a car with his wife. He tries to get her out, but he can't. He then wakes up in a hospital complaining about killer headaches. He has a flashback or a dream where doctors are performing a brain surgery on him that intergrates the parts of his brain that normally sepeate the sections that differentiate pleasure and pain. Then the detectives investigating what happened on the bridge the day of the accident find the Box, Pinhead appears, and chaos ensues.
Very surreal, very Lovecraftian. If you like that kind of stuff, try to find this movie. I found it at my local Blockbuster, so it shouldn't be that hard.
Main gripe: not bloody enough. Even though blood and gore aren't really necessary in this kind of story (and might actually detract from it) I've come to expect some gruesome deaths in Hellraiser movies. And don't bother comparing this one to the first one, because none of them can shake a stick at that juggernaut.
Rating: 483
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Wolfman Walt
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Out of curiousity, do you take requests? And if so, are there any guidelines to such requests? ((Such as so far, the movies have only seemed to be horror movies, is that going to be a continuing trend?)). Theres acouple of movies I've wanted to see, but I want a second opinion from a non-biased group before I go see em.
Harriers for the cup.
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satanisgreat
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Most definitely. No guidelines, either. The only thing is, if I can't find it, I can't watch it.Wolfman Walt wrote:Out of curiousity, do you take requests? And if so, are there any guidelines to such requests?
Like I said, I don't watch just horror movies. It just so happens that the most recent movies I've watched have been horror. I do like horror movies, and with the recent wave of new horror movies, I just had to get my ass to the theatre to see them.
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Wolfman Walt
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Double Header:
I have two movies I've SERIOUSILY been meaning to see. ((I'de as little spoilers as possible)) First movie I've been thinking of seeing: Momento. I heard its a good movie, but this comes from people who may or may not have been paid off. Second is: Escape from New York. I own Escape from LA ((Wasn't......too horrible)) and heard the prequal was much better. Your thoughts?
Also, could you be Siscal reincarnated? Satan, Siscal, they sound alike to me.
I have two movies I've SERIOUSILY been meaning to see. ((I'de as little spoilers as possible)) First movie I've been thinking of seeing: Momento. I heard its a good movie, but this comes from people who may or may not have been paid off. Second is: Escape from New York. I own Escape from LA ((Wasn't......too horrible)) and heard the prequal was much better. Your thoughts?
Also, could you be Siscal reincarnated? Satan, Siscal, they sound alike to me.
Harriers for the cup.
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satanisgreat
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Momento
The movie's about a guy with a rare brain disease where he can't remember anything for more than a few minutes. It's told in an intriging fashion, where the movie starts from the end and works it way back. Not surprisingly, the best scenes are in the beginning.
Pretty much the guy with the brain disease has to find out who killed his wife. People who know about his ailment try to take advantage of him by minipulating his condition. He organizes the clues to the murder by taking polaroids of evidence and tattooing pieces of information on his body. The movie is very original and entertaining.
I've only seen it once and that was quite some time ago, but I really enjoyed it. It's exactly the kind of movie that appeals to me. It seemed like something out of a Sin City graphic novel.
Very few cons for this movie: I don't know if I'd buy it and watch it multiple times. If you're not into the alternate storytelling you might get lost or bored in the middle. Otherwise:
Highly recommended.
Rating: 574
The movie's about a guy with a rare brain disease where he can't remember anything for more than a few minutes. It's told in an intriging fashion, where the movie starts from the end and works it way back. Not surprisingly, the best scenes are in the beginning.
Pretty much the guy with the brain disease has to find out who killed his wife. People who know about his ailment try to take advantage of him by minipulating his condition. He organizes the clues to the murder by taking polaroids of evidence and tattooing pieces of information on his body. The movie is very original and entertaining.
I've only seen it once and that was quite some time ago, but I really enjoyed it. It's exactly the kind of movie that appeals to me. It seemed like something out of a Sin City graphic novel.
Very few cons for this movie: I don't know if I'd buy it and watch it multiple times. If you're not into the alternate storytelling you might get lost or bored in the middle. Otherwise:
Highly recommended.
Rating: 574
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OnTheBounce
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Sorry to steal your thunder, sig. 
Edit: It seems sig beat me to the punch! BTW, it's a brain injury (anterior grade memory loss), not a disease.
Cheers,
OTB
Memento is a great movie. I recommend watching it as the premise of a man's medical condition is used for some rather unorthodox story telling. I don't want to spoil anything, but run -- don't walk -- and see it. If you like it -- and I'm sure you will -- try Following, which was Noland's first film. I don't recommend Insomnia since Noland seems to be at his best when writing and directing rather than making remakes of Scandinavian films.Wolfman Walt wrote:First movie I've been thinking of seeing: Momento. I heard its a good movie, but this comes from people who may or may not have been paid off.
Edit: It seems sig beat me to the punch! BTW, it's a brain injury (anterior grade memory loss), not a disease.
I can't comment on Escape from LA, but you simply have to watch Escape from New York. It may seem a bit cheesy by today's standards, but if nothing else you will love the near PA feeling of New York, New York ("the town so nice they named it twice") turned into a giant prison. Personally, I can't believe that we have someone on a Fallout board that hasn't seen this movie.Wolfman Walt wrote:Second is: Escape from New York. I own Escape from LA ((Wasn't......too horrible)) and heard the prequal was much better. Your thoughts?
Cheers,
OTB
Last edited by OnTheBounce on Wed Sep 03, 2003 7:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
"On the bounce, you apes! Do you wanna live forever?!"
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satanisgreat
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Wolfman Walt
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The army has very sucky movie rental/purchase selection so anything made in the 80's is pretty much unavailable...unless its something like Star Wars. Needless to say, I led a very sheltered childhood of watching only the newest in R rated movies.OnTheBounce wrote: Personally, I can't believe that we have someone on a Fallout board that hasn't seen this movie. ;)
Harriers for the cup.
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satanisgreat
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House of 1000 Corpses
I saw it awhile ago when it came out in the theater. The midnight show the day it came out, actually. It was supposed to be out like two years earlier, but they kept delaying it, saying it was going to get an NC-17 rating. I assumed it was going to be supergory, and I'm a big White Zombie fan, so I had to see it.
I was a little disappointed. First off, it wasn't ultraviolent like I thought it would be. There was barely any blood at all. It was basically just a remake of TCM with Rob Zombie directing it and throwing in wierd imagary and Dr. Satan at the end. I'm a huge Texas fan also, and I'm not opposed to films that are similar to it, but this just seemed like a blatant rip off that was well below the bar of excellence that film made. Plus there's an official remake coming out in a couple months anyway that looks quality, so I thought it was completely unnecessary.
I'll rent it again when it comes out on DVD (I think it already has) to see what was cut out. It'd have to be a hell of alot of gore, though, to make the movie salvagable. I think Rob thought he was directing a rock video rather than a movie
Rating: 266
I saw it awhile ago when it came out in the theater. The midnight show the day it came out, actually. It was supposed to be out like two years earlier, but they kept delaying it, saying it was going to get an NC-17 rating. I assumed it was going to be supergory, and I'm a big White Zombie fan, so I had to see it.
I was a little disappointed. First off, it wasn't ultraviolent like I thought it would be. There was barely any blood at all. It was basically just a remake of TCM with Rob Zombie directing it and throwing in wierd imagary and Dr. Satan at the end. I'm a huge Texas fan also, and I'm not opposed to films that are similar to it, but this just seemed like a blatant rip off that was well below the bar of excellence that film made. Plus there's an official remake coming out in a couple months anyway that looks quality, so I thought it was completely unnecessary.
I'll rent it again when it comes out on DVD (I think it already has) to see what was cut out. It'd have to be a hell of alot of gore, though, to make the movie salvagable. I think Rob thought he was directing a rock video rather than a movie
Rating: 266
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the guardian
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Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD
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All horror movies are all so repeatitive. i wanna see a movie that doesnt follow a stephen king book (shit) and doesnt have retarded leaps in logic that would make einstein or even ben stein wonder which camels ass the fact was pulled out of.
on another note i wanna know why the bad guy cant totally pwn his victims and then end with the bad guy winning. i mean all movies are so predictable when you know 99% of all movies end in the good guys winning. also anyone who thinks gore makes a movie is just a slave to modern societies shock factor that all these bullshit movies seem to have now. i mean how many times can you see someones kidney pop out and say hi or have someones stomach cut open with guts falling out.
OOOOO WOWOWOWOW GUTS!
on another note i wanna know why the bad guy cant totally pwn his victims and then end with the bad guy winning. i mean all movies are so predictable when you know 99% of all movies end in the good guys winning. also anyone who thinks gore makes a movie is just a slave to modern societies shock factor that all these bullshit movies seem to have now. i mean how many times can you see someones kidney pop out and say hi or have someones stomach cut open with guts falling out.
OOOOO WOWOWOWOW GUTS!
Blargh wrote:While the way in which the stance is made could be done with at least a pretense of civility - being far more conducive to others actually paying attention than copious swearing - it just wouldn't be Mandy otherwise.
S4ur0n27 wrote:Dexter is getting MFG'ed for the first time
Koki wrote:He must be Mandallorian FaLLouT God'ded ASAP
I could crap a finer movie review.
MMG: most modern horror movies are indeed shit, too obsessed with grossness. Try watching Nosferatu if you want, or The Shining (problem is, The Shining has a lot of glaring errors). Or try some underground cult horror movies (I know too many to list here). Or just watch something else entirely. Mulholland Drive scared the shit out of me, just thinking of it and realizing what some of the more understated parts of it mean.
MMG: most modern horror movies are indeed shit, too obsessed with grossness. Try watching Nosferatu if you want, or The Shining (problem is, The Shining has a lot of glaring errors). Or try some underground cult horror movies (I know too many to list here). Or just watch something else entirely. Mulholland Drive scared the shit out of me, just thinking of it and realizing what some of the more understated parts of it mean.
suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp. suddenly somebody will say like 'plate' or 'shrimp' or 'plate of shrimp', out of the blue, no explanation.
I don' t know, isn' t that the reason why the genre is so popular in certain circles? Besides Horror is the easiest genre to put on film since you can make it very very low-budget. I remember my first film project some years back was horror (the genre, not the grades I got) and I only used an axe, a plastic hand and filmblood as props. The bad guy won ofcourse.
But then again, yes, it is sad to see that most of nowadays audience can' t be thrilled without fast-paced-brain-numbing action, gallons of blood and a stereotype (?) action hero spitting no-brainer punchlines.
*Sigh* Join the masses people.
But then again, yes, it is sad to see that most of nowadays audience can' t be thrilled without fast-paced-brain-numbing action, gallons of blood and a stereotype (?) action hero spitting no-brainer punchlines.
*Sigh* Join the masses people.
He who keeps the old akindled and adds new knowledge is fit to be a teacher.
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Wolfman Walt
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satanisgreat
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There're good horror movies and there are bad horror movies. Just like in any other genre. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is probably my favorite movie of all time, and there's very little blood in that. The thing with horror movies, though, is that even a mediocre one can be made watchable if the gore is good enough. It's not like watching a bad drama or comedy, which if they're bad, they're really bad.
These are just my opinions, I happen to like horror movies. Good and bad. But if they're bad, I'll aknowledge the fact that they're bad.
I'm not "into the shockvalue of modern society". I've been watching slasher movies since I was four. If you think all horror movies are crap, you're just watching the wrong ones.
These are just my opinions, I happen to like horror movies. Good and bad. But if they're bad, I'll aknowledge the fact that they're bad.
I'm not "into the shockvalue of modern society". I've been watching slasher movies since I was four. If you think all horror movies are crap, you're just watching the wrong ones.
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POOPERSCOOPER
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10 things i hate about you
The movie gets a 10/10 for sheer brillance and magnificience. The produclitly of the qualitications of the extermination of the movie are beyond those found in normal society today. Roles played from the elluiguint direction brake the laws of acting and shatter the atoms and electrons of the nuetrons in the mega universe of the dwingky pingy.
In conclusions "10 things i hate about you" is the best movie of the millenium and deserve the respect.
The movie gets a 10/10 for sheer brillance and magnificience. The produclitly of the qualitications of the extermination of the movie are beyond those found in normal society today. Roles played from the elluiguint direction brake the laws of acting and shatter the atoms and electrons of the nuetrons in the mega universe of the dwingky pingy.
In conclusions "10 things i hate about you" is the best movie of the millenium and deserve the respect.
