Room mate torture

ExtremeDrinker · Post by **ExtremeDrinker** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:17 pm

I had a nekkid 45 year old guy for a room mate the one time I lived in a dorm.

I wiped my ass with his sheets. He got a rash. Started wearing clothes.

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:22 pm

You get houses freshmen year? I was forced to take the shittiest dorm they could find me. Its literally a 20 story high building with nothing but closests. I'm forced to live with Gay neighbors who hump each other loudly on the left side of me, a room mate who will find a new home in the Ohio River, and a guy who can't sing, but enjoys singing christian music as loud as possible to the right of me. To his credit, he's atleast a nice guy and keeps it down. He also thinks my room mate is queer because of the hair dryer thing. Ofcourse everyone I tell that he uses a hair dryer thinks he's queer.

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:27 pm

He sounds like an average guy. Perhaps you could whine at him? If you wanted MONKEY REVENGE DAY:

Scratch all his cds. He seems the kind of guy to leave them around so just wipe them along rough surfaces.

Just move the microwave? Put it on the floor or something. Mabye just break it.

Hide all his boxers/throw a few away over a period of time.

Can't you pull the nob off the heater and re-attach it at a higher setting? Keep changing this every day so he gets confuzzled. You could just break the heater or the air conditioning too.

Eat lots of chips and junk on his bed. Mabye stain his sheets with some subtances.

Don't watch tv, or go somewhere else? You could sell your tv and mabye buy a small portable one you can put in the place where the microwave is.

Most phones have volume dials on them, just turn everything up pretty high.

Change the locks/hide his keys often.

You can set a hair-dryer on fire by covering up any vents inwards. Just do this to every hair-dryer he buys.

You could try and be annoying too. Mabye bring a bunch of friends round and talk all night, buy an alarm clock to play static at a certain time really loudly then hide it, break and hide his stuff, tell the police he smokes pot, change all the lights in the house so there really-bright or dim, cut a leg off his bed, sell a bunch of his stuff at a garage sale, kidnap and torture him etc.

Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD · Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:27 pm

no guy uses a hair dryer ever. shit i dont even own a comb or gel for that matter.

ive got a guy to the right of my room who listens to hentai as loud as possible at 4 in the fucking morning. waking up at 4 hearing anime chicks screaming about tenticles makes you really want to kick the shit out of people.

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:29 pm

Maybe he's watching a horror movie about Octipi? Repeatidly...

Viktor · Post by **Viktor** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:38 pm

Wolfman Walt wrote: -He seems to have no problem jacking off while I'm in the room. This also causes the room to smell like old tires.......He also doesn't seem to mind stopping as me and my mom walked in on him once. Atleast I didn't have to explain the smell to my mom any longer.
-Speaking of sex, he also doesn't seem to have any problem bringing girls in and having sex while I'm trying to sleep. This is why I no longer say "Its like porn, only without the sex" because I said that one night and the sex started and I had to poke my eyes out with a spork.

Easy to stop. Just wait until he starts knocking one off alone or getting jiggy with a girl and then start shouting encouragement along the lines of "Shoot that love custard, Big Boy!" when he's jacking off or "Let's spit roast the bitch!" when he's got female company!

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:42 pm

As for the second suggestion, sounds great except on afew occasions that he's brought home female company he's suggested we gang bang her or take turns. I don't want to encourage him. I want him to catch herpes.

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:44 pm

Haha! That's eeeeval!

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:45 pm

perhaps you could pretend you're gay and bring your neighbours round. Then gang-bang him LOL

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:47 pm

::Insert witty reply here::

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:51 pm

You could always crash a boat into him. Mabye just move out?

Cheers

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:53 pm

I probably should have moved out during Christmas break but I was too busy thinking about the neat applications of my new handgun. On the other hand, I'de have to find a new room mate to take me in and that would mean moving all my stuff since I own about 75% of everything in the room.

Maybe Franz can suggest an elebrate plan to boat ram him?

ExtremeDrinker · Post by **ExtremeDrinker** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:53 pm

What's wrong with a gang-bang? Wear a condom. If I had a roommate that brought home something other than fat bitches, I'd hit it with him, even if I dispised him.

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:46 pm

No; just no.

CloudNineGT · Post by **CloudNineGT** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:57 pm

Hey, I say you participate. Just scream wildly and start pissing on his bed or something, it will be worth every second.

As for hitting him with a boat, you can either lure him to a lake with promises of pot and beer, or you can rig a kind of rope contraption to swing a sailboat through your window and hit him. If you cant get a boat through the wall, I think a jet ski would work almost as well.

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 7:01 pm

wait a second.

how big does the boat have to be? could you wail on his ass with like a big r/c boat? or does it have to be a full-size sea-going vessel?

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:14 pm

Think Speed 2: Cruise Control. But you fire it out of a cannon from outer space!

If you gang-bang his momma, perhaps you could accidently fuck him up the ass and shit on his bed LOL!

Franz Schubert · Post by **Franz Schubert** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:01 pm

See, it's people like these that give pot-smokers a bad name. There are plenty of pot-smokers I know who are really cool people. Then of course, there are the assholes. Just don't make generalizations based on a few people. And btw, does he smoke pot in the room? If so, then you have a legitimate gripe. But if his potsmoking isn't affecting you (i.e. he does it outside, or in someone else's apartment) then it's not really any of your business.

Anyway, if he's smoking in the room, when you're there, tell him that he has to stop, and if he doesn't, simply call security and tell them to stop by your room.

One last note: I feel your pain, since at the beginning of the semester, my roommate was one of my best friends... now I hate his guts.

ExtremeDrinker · Post by **ExtremeDrinker** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:19 pm

I've lived with lots of my friends...Never had any problems. Then again, I've known my friends since elementary school, so I know their habits. Plus, nothing really bothers me except nekkid old people.

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:19 pm

my roomate got kicked out for smoking pot in the dorms two weeks into the semester, i now have a large room to myself. it is fucking great, i smoke cigarettes, leave food wrappers everywhere, walk around naked, have sex at unreasonable hours, etc.

it is good times.

Duck and Cover

Room mate torture

Re: Room mate torture