Get me a job

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 12:31 am

holla!

on thursday i have an interview with a company but i have to write a 200 word essay on why i want to work there so come on internet, do my homework for me!
___________________________

Dear Manager

I am an enterprising youth hoping to surf right into your office and receive a blowjob. I am a lean, mean fighting machine and take no prisoners. I think I would be a valuable asset to your company because of my deep understanding of electrical engineering. I take great pride in knowing how to solder some wires on a circuit board. I am literally pissing myself in awe of standing on a production line all day next to similairly soaked young men.

It all started when I was bitten by a radioactive spider. The day after I had the powers to fix a plug and unscrew lights. I decided to use my skills for a career in pro-wrestling. After my first match I accidently murdered my uncle by dropping a toaster into a glass of water he was drinking. From that moment I decided to use my powers for good instead of evil!

With great power comes great boners!

Megatron

x

Thor Kaufman · Post by **Thor Kaufman** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 12:49 am

Sounds good to me, leave it that way

jiujitsu · Post by **jiujitsu** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 1:06 am

That works.

St. Toxic · Post by **St. Toxic** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 1:11 am

Can I quote you in my job interviews?

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 1:15 am

sure thing babe!

I might just not go since it's at 9 in the morning and 2 towns away. And I don't even know why I applied for the job.

St. Toxic · Post by **St. Toxic** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 1:32 am

Woah, 9.00 here as well, but I probably won't make it. Lazy week. Rather just guitar the streets or something.

POOPERSCOOPER · Post by **POOPERSCOOPER** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 1:55 am

Its impolite to skip a job interview.

ExtremeDrinker · Post by **ExtremeDrinker** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 2:08 am

I've always made it to job interviews, even if it meant taking time off from my job.

POOPERSCOOPER · Post by **POOPERSCOOPER** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 2:09 am

When I decided I didn't want to even try getting this one job, i just called them up and told them to cancel it. They were pleasantly surprised

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 3:06 am

If they judge your merit on an essay, and a bloody short one at that, they clearly do not care a whit for your worth as a person. Sounds like the job is right up your alley, Meg. Ohoho.

Best of luck, and keep us updated, eh ?

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 6:44 pm

Well it wasn't exactly going to be rocket engineering, right? He's supposed to stand on a line all day, so the essay is mostly just to prove your dedication or some shit?

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:15 pm

Yeah, what assembly line job requires an essay? The place is bunk. Probably a cover organization for some illegal weapons distributor. Best burn the place down.

S4ur0n27 · Post by **S4ur0n27** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:41 pm

hilarious

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 2:30 am

oh crap it's tomorrow and I haven't written the essay and I don't know where it is or how to get there oh crap

ExtremeDrinker · Post by **ExtremeDrinker** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:24 am

Give up and find a job at a McDonalds or something. Spitting in burgers feels nice...Or so I hear. McDonalds wouldn't hire me. I guess I'm not good enough to spit in burgers. Or crap in the hot grease.

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:26 am

And you didn't even mention the mayonnaise !

ExtremeDrinker · Post by **ExtremeDrinker** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:31 am

At Carl's Jr, they have huge tubs of mayo that they cover with plastic wrap. My friend was labeling mayo on said plastic wrap. The last tub had no wrap. So he was writing with a marker in the mayo. Rather than admitting his mistake, he stuck the marker deep within the quivering tub of mayo and stirred the top up so there was no visible blackness. Soon, time came to use that tub of mayo, and the marker ink had permiated the entire tub. This was now a quivering gray mayo mass. They still used it, and no one complained.

Fast Food Rules.

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:37 am

Fantastic. It may be one of the lowest rungs of employment conceivable, but at the very least it allows one to exercise misanthropy. Silver nitrate would make it tolerable.

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:03 am

I already have a job. I just applied for this one in case.

Now I've stayed up half the night so I don't need to wake up early. Not going to a job interview is pretty hard.

ApTyp · Post by **ApTyp** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:26 am

Last time I was looking for a job like this, i just went in a store and said "I have EAD, plz hire me?" and they were like "OK come here tomorrow at 8am" and I was getting checks really soon.

The pay blew, but I got to handle dead fish.