"The Beast" - 50 Most Loathsome People in America

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Franz Schubert
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"The Beast" - 50 Most Loathsome People in America

Post by Franz Schubert »

http://www.buffalobeast.com/66/50mostLoathsome2004.htm
This is well-written, insightful, and funny. Here's a few:

39. Tom Cruise

Crimes: Inexplicable stardom. In a just world, Brendan Fraser would get an Oscar before this carbon copy of every other rich asshole cokehead with a fast car. Consistently influential in casting women in his movie for the sole purpose of nailing them. Extremely convincing when he plays an ambitious, superficial prick.

Smoking Gun: Always plays an ambitious, superficial prick.

Punishment: Caught in the act with Vin Diesel.
19. Zell Miller

Crimes: Part Yosemite Sam and Part Foghorn Leghorn. Miller doesn’t make the list for his salivating, traitorous keynote speech at the Republican National Convention, or even the duel thing with Chris Matthews. He makes the list because he really does represent Southern Democrats. Miller was chief of staff for diehard racist Georgia Governor Lester Maddox, who used to own a restaurant where he’d hand out pick handles to his customers to beat any black people that might try to come in. The Democratic party really isn’t the party he once knew�thank God.

Smoking Gun: Won’t switch parties, just to be a pain in the ass.

Punishment: Death by torrential barrage of spitballs while watching his granddaughter make out with Big Pun.
5. John Kerry

Crimes: Managed to lose to the most hated president in American history by virtue of his total inability to convincingly portray himself as a human being. Didn’t even have the balls to show up during the Ohio election challenge in the Senate. So thoroughly vetted that he appears inhuman, incapable of speaking without repeating the same hackneyed phrases incessantly and gesticulating like a poorly operated marionette. Cursing his daughters with his frightening profile.

Smoking Gun: Actually did vote for the $87 billion before he voted against it.

Punishment: Quality time with wife and kids.
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vx trauma
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Post by vx trauma »

Kick-ass site.
9. Jessica Simpson

Crimes: The gleaming flagship of the triumphant return of bimboism. The aesthetic equivalent of vitamin D milk. Makes Britney Spears look like a Rhodes scholar. Managed to crap out a hit single by removing every remotely innovative element from Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away.�

Smoking Gun: Probably likes her own music.

Punishment: Strapped to bunker-buster.
Bunker-buster treatment for the culturaly crippled. Sign me in.
-ende
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Post by Kashluk »

I think #41. ( Everyone who got together to watch the final episode of "Friends" ) and #24. (Ronald Reagan) were just golden D;
Blargh
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Post by Blargh »

Some of the suggested punishments were especially inspired. :drunk:
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Post by Nicolai »

Kerry looks like that evil guy from the Re-Animator movies. D:
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Post by jiujitsu »

It was funny at first, but I soon got tired of that prick's humor.

The number one spot should have been himself.
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Post by S4ur0n27 »

Jiu is bitter.
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Subhuman
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Post by Subhuman »

"Take My Breath Away" had innovative elements?
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Post by CrazyNick »

Thats pretty great. I wish I could slap Kerry for being such a pussy and losing to Bush. I think all presidental elections in stead of a recount should be decided by a knife fight
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Post by Blargh »

I've long known that wars should only be fought by those who instigate them. To see press footage of Bush dodging landmines in Afghanistan . . .

A man can dream. :drunk:
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Post by A_M »

Blargh wrote:[...] To see press footage of Bush dodging landmines in Afghanistan . . .

A man can dream. :drunk:
Many thing's are possible man, keep the faith :drunk:
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kingcomrade
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Post by kingcomrade »

OMG REPUBLICAN BAD BUSH HITLER
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Franz Schubert
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Post by Franz Schubert »

b&
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kingcomrade
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Post by kingcomrade »

b& yourself

This list is silly.
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Post by vendetta »

Paul Wolfowitz: So far up Israel’s ass he can taste the kugel.

Punishment: A successful populist democracy in Iraq.
That has really cheered me up.
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Post by PsychoSniper »

50. Ann Coulter
Crimes: .............called reports of the hundreds of tons of missing munitions in Iraq false..........
Um........... they neglect to mention that she was right..... the munitions had been moved/destroyed by colliation forces, then reported 'missing' by cognoids that didnt bother to do research.
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Post by kingcomrade »

A more accurate title would be "My Least Favorite Republicans."

Anyone can write up a list of 50 members of any political group they dislike and make snarky comments (except me, I'm lazy). I'd be suprised of Ann Coulter herself hasn't written such a list of Democrats, or the KKK such a list of blacks (congoids? I'm new :( ) who've ruined America.
Kashluk

Post by Kashluk »

Uh, not all those jackasses are republicans, afaik... Just happens to be that most are D;
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Post by Cimmerian Nights »

The only deomcrats on there are Kerry and Colmes, and they're only on the list because they're democrat pussies.
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vx trauma
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Post by vx trauma »

Most people on earth deserve more what they get. I wote nuke em all. Nuke em now. Before they start to bring their shit to other planets.
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