Subhuman's advice corner (featuring Tingel Tangel on drums)

[Subhuman]

[image of subhuman with grotesquely ugly chicks]

Who cares if your friends are ugly, you're not dating them. And dare I recall a particularly emo chick with a ginormous chin that you once called your girlfriend? I believe I do. Yes.

[Nicolai]

I'm thinking about making a spacecat, how should I go about acquiring a dead cat?

[Thor Kaufman]

get some rohypnol, go to a bar, drug the cat, rape her, skin her and fill her up with straw or something

[PiP]

Having trouble figuring out what your girlfriend really wants? Having trouble finding a girlfriend, period? Feeling depressed, confused, angry? Or just need a new muffin recipe? Come, let's talk.

Well Subby, although I kinda like you (omg it's out), pleeeez don't try to act like a 'girl feelings expert' or something
Recipes? Yeah go ahead.
Oh btw stop being such an asshole about Dreddy's penis's mishappen photo or someone might think you do it to vent your own frustration with a small cock

Nico just use your front bumper silly.

[Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD]

Blargh is like turn of the century comic relief.

And I love it.

[Tingel Tangel]

Well Subby, although I kinda like you (omg it's out), pleeeez don't try to act like a 'girl feelings expert' or something

So, like, can I act like I have any sort or experience in that area?

[Subhuman]

Well Subby, although I kinda like you (omg it's out), pleeeez don't try to act like a 'girl feelings expert' or something

I wouldn't, nor do I, consider myself an "expert" in women's feelings. But for most of my life I've had a lot of female friends, still do, and thus I'm privy to an awful lot of girl talk. I've been around enough women to know what they tend to look for in guys, what they don't like about their men, etc. I can probably be of service in that area, is what I'm saying, since I'm so familiar with the territory.

And yes, by all means ask Tingel Tangel for her input as well. We can be like the Abby and Ann Landers of Fallout forums.

[fallout ranger]

[image of subhuman with grotesquely ugly chicks]

Your wish has been granted...

[atoga]

i've got a two-parter

dreddy, wouldn't it be easier to provide a sidewise photograph rather than drawing up maps & diagrams of your throbbing member? you have nothing to lose at this point (unless you have trouble getting it up, ehue) :infallible logik:

and subby, can you provide a good caprese recipe? the internet has been no help so far :jamie oliver:

[VasikkA]

Thanks, amigo. I can be a bit imaginative on the filling side, right? (pear's not my thang)

I'm in fact trying to get rid of a variety of frozen berries.

[fallout ranger]

throbbing member

[POOPERSCOOPER]

Subhuman, how do I get a girl fat when I don't really talk to each other and don't know each others names. What things should I say to trick her into getting fat? Would "hey skinny" work or would it go in reverse and make her want to get skinnier. YOUR INPUT IS VITAL.

[Dreadnought]

[image of subhuman with grotesquely ugly chicks]

Who cares if your friends are ugly, you're not dating them. And dare I recall a particularly emo chick with a ginormous chin that you once called your girlfriend? I believe I do. Yes.

Still better than anything you could possibly even SEE around you.

[popscythe]

My god.

This thread is great. Lets all say daryll a lot.

Daryll daryll daryll darrlyyl.

[cazsim83]

subhuman can give mixed drink/food recipes, and hey, throw in some input. IMO, which truly doesn't count for much, most male gays (okay, most???) act more girly than girls anyway, and seem hypersensitive (in person), so maybe they're not a bad judge of girl's emotions. Girls are psycho anyway, right?

Besides, Tingley is here, and she's a girl.

I wouldn't trust any picture dreaddy boy puts up now, since he knows we're just waiting to ridicule him. The next pic he puts up would be of somebody else anyway.

Okay, here's a real question:
I am looking for some good bachelor food to make when my wife is busy that night. I do try to watch my weight, and I work out a bit too, so I would like something tasty, with not a lot of sugar, and since it would be later in the day, less calories are better. However, I would like something more than rice cakes and potatoes. Thanks!

Tingley - What are some good romantic things to do for a girl besides chocolates and flowers??? ( I already have the love notes thing in surprise places down)

[johnnygothisgun]

subhuman et tingel: i got back together with my ex, but im getting this tiny 'youre wrapped around my finger' vibe because she probably deduced that i was crazy about her and perhaps a little desperate. its not strong, its actually only very slight and i may be imagining it. even if im not imagining it, i have a feeling its not even purposeful, and rather unconscious. shall i cut back on being so intimate for a while? as in, not tell her how into her i am, and such? i am admittedly a pretty big softy, so perhaps not telling her quite as often how much she means to me would be a good idea?

[Caleb]

Tingley - What are some good romantic things to do for a girl besides chocolates and flowers??? ( I already have the love notes thing in surprise places down)

Surprise candlelit late dinner when she's back from working late/out of the house.

Put on some good music and serve some nice and spicy food, though not too hot to hurt. Also have fruit nearby(romanticism for us guys normally has a happy ending, and fruit helps with stamina...)

Massages are always good (get oil with a decent smell and not to thick, make sure she'll like the smell)

And of course theres always the go lay by the beach or picnic on the beach etc..

remember a good bottle of wine with any of these..

If all else fails...laying out under the stars/moon always works(biggest of the year coming up soon ,at least for west coast USA)

[Subhuman]

Thanks, amigo. I can be a bit imaginative on the filling side, right? (pear's not my thang)

I'm in fact trying to get rid of a variety of frozen berries.

As long as you have the same weight of fruit, sure, go nuts. It's hard to screw up muffins. (Although if you're using particularly sour fruits like raspberries or blueberries you might want to up the sugar content just a tad.)

and subby, can you provide a good caprese recipe? the internet has been no help so far :jamie oliver:

Depends on what you want to eat - "Caprese" simply denotes a recipe originating from Capri, or cooked in a Capri style. You've got steak Caprese, pasta Caprese, insalata (salad) Caprese, etc. Speaking of the latter, my personal favorite comes from Tyler Florence, and it illustrates how simple a typical Caprese dish should be in terms of flavor. Most Italian cooking is like that, actually. Take a look around that site and see if some other Caprese recipes float your boat - when it comes to any Italian dish, steer toward something by Florence or Giada De Laurentiis (the booby chick that's almost wholly responsible for the network's male 18-49 demographic). They know their stuff, and I've never had one of their recipes screw up.

I am looking for some good bachelor food to make when my wife is busy that night. I do try to watch my weight, and I work out a bit too, so I would like something tasty, with not a lot of sugar, and since it would be later in the day, less calories are better. However, I would like something more than rice cakes and potatoes. Thanks!

Vegetables, and lots of them. Easy to eat and they won't sit on your stomach the way hi-carb/hi-cal food can. But when you say bachelor food, I automatically think of something that you'd cook for yourself as a treat, irrespective of the eating concerns and/or palate of your wife. This is your chance to try something new, or eat whatever your tastebuds happen to be calling out for. If you want a nice, thick steak with some roast asparagus and a giant puddle of A1 sauce, go for it. (And I like the way you think.) Pasta is pretty failsafe bachelor food, too, and it gives you endless possibilities in terms of sauces, additions, and pasta types. Off the top of my head, I like this one, and that is to say I occasionally get random cravings for it at odd times of the day and night. It's not exactly low-cal, but since ravioli is pretty filling you don't need a heaping plateful of the stuff to feel satisfied, and if you serve it with some fresh steamed veggies (anything in season and thus cheap), you're good to go.

subhuman et tingel: i got back together with my ex, but im getting this tiny 'youre wrapped around my finger' vibe because she probably deduced that i was crazy about her and perhaps a little desperate. its not strong, its actually only very slight and i may be imagining it. even if im not imagining it, i have a feeling its not even purposeful, and rather unconscious. shall i cut back on being so intimate for a while? as in, not tell her how into her i am, and such? i am admittedly a pretty big softy, so perhaps not telling her quite as often how much she means to me would be a good idea?

More details needed. How did you two break up? If you're the one who was responsible, the vibe you're currently feeling is probably her way of making sure you understand that she's essentially doing you a favor by overlooking your mistake(s) and getting back together with you. But if she broke up with you, then relented when you begged her to come back, and now is putting you in your place, well, she might just be a bitch.

[Strider]

Subhuman, I know this chick at work and I want to ask her out but she already has a boyfriend, should I ask her out anyway and see what happens? She seems like the kind of woman that would like to move on.

[Dreadnought]

Kill her boyfriend and be there for her when she pretends to be sad. Use a silenced gun and dump it in the ocean after the work is done.