Subhuman's advice corner (featuring Tingel Tangel on drums)

Strider · Post by **Strider** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:44 am

Dreadnought wrote:Kill her boyfriend and be there for her when she pretends to be sad. Use a silenced gun and dump it in the ocean after the work is done.

That was plan B. It seems this dude doesn't want to dish some advice, though.

VasikkA · Post by **VasikkA** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 10:40 am

Seduce her boyfriend and set up a camera showing you two having some hot steamy gay sex in a tub. Then show the footage to her and, well, I haven't figured out the rest. Learn as you go, I guess.

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 11:43 am

Slowly start to get her to eat more and more until she is so fat that no one loves her, then pick her up when she's easy and get her to stop being such a porker.

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:34 pm

Malignant Fifth Geranium wrote:relief

I feel as though clouted by the silence of birds wrapped in barbed wire.

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:48 pm

Do nothing. Drop hints that you'd like to hang out with her more outside of work, but involving some neutral activity ie. going to a concert or doing something related to a shared interest you two have. If and/or when she breaks up with her current boyfriend, wait for a few weeks, then pounce. (And by that I mean something reeeeeal casual, like going for coffee sometime.)

Edit: Although if it's clear that she's pretty much over her relationship and really does want to move on (some intuitive thinking and good listening is required here), feel free to speed up the pace a bit. Look for signals that she's interested in you as well, obviously.

Edit #2: This kind of thing is much easier when you have at least one or two platonic female friends to bounce things off of, or at least to get a feel for how women deal with romance. The more you hang around women the less awkward it is dealing with dating prospects.

Dreadnought · Post by **Dreadnought** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 5:27 pm

Tonight something funny happened:

My mate tim had a birthday and we went to the local pub. We hit up with 2 chicks and that's where the irony started!

Tim hooked up with the one I wanted and I hooked up with the one he wanted.

She was only 5 feet, but skinny, perky tits, and very very elegant. And by elegant I mean ELEGANT. She moved like an elf and her charisma just blew me away. If she was a Fallout Char she would have easily sold me that excess 10 mm ammo for 250 bucks. :hi haley:

PiP · Post by **PiP** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:13 pm

Tingel Tangel wrote: So, like, can I act like I have any sort or experience in that area?

sure thing sweetheart, just limit that to 'girls up to your age' mkay

Subhuman wrote:and thus I'm privy to an awful lot of girl talk. I've been around enough women to know what they tend to look for in guys, what they don't like about their men, etc. I can probably be of service in that area, is what I'm saying, since I'm so familiar with the territory.

okay then, just limit that to American women of the social background you associate with. Well perhaps you might count British and German women in.
I've had female friends from various parts of Europe and the US and belive me sometimes it makes a difference. Though I guess lotsa things would be shared while more variations would occur on the case-to-case (or type-to-type) basis than the culture-to-culture basis

I'm not sure if we really should discuss women's behaviour patterns etc here, most possibly it would end up a cliche-ridden pointless babble

We could on the other hand try to discuss a particular case if some particular member has a problem or something

atoga wrote:dreddy, wouldn't it be easier to provide a sidewise photograph

I think he's learned his lesson and isn't going to post any more nude pics of himself

POOPERSCOOPER wrote:Would "hey skinny" work .

I believe 'skinny' is considered a compliment for some time now, sick as it may seem.

Subhuman wrote:you'd like to hang out with her more outside of work, but involving some neutral activity ie. going to a concert (...) something reeeeeal casual, like going for coffee sometime.)

you tell him to approach a girl and suggest going to a concert and she is to believe it's 'neutral' and 'casual'? Yeah right. It's obvious it's a date and it's obvious he wants to make a move this way. And it's an another guy's girlfriend for ceying out loud, he can get his teeth knocked out.

Strider (or whoever posted the thing), if you manage to poach her from that guy, it's quite possible she can be poached from you in a similar fashion. Or she can look for someone else by herself while she's with you, but already bored. So if you just 'wanna get some fun' with her, go ahead and try (if she's the kind). Even use Subby's advice maybe.

If on the other hand you're up to something serious, you can only wait for them to break up and be the best man you can around her and her friends (just don't overdo this or

) - if she sees a great steed while her present relationship is in crisis, it might accelerate breaking up (because she sees her partner might be not the best of possible partners) and might get you in the right position for when she's ready for her next relationship.

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:32 pm

PiP wrote:We could on the other hand try to discuss a particular case if some particular member has a problem or something

That's...kinda we're doing here. No one is making gross generalizations, but there are patterns, unless European chicks have drastically different brain chemistry than all other women on Earth. Also, some stuff just involves common sense, which a few of us need to be reminded of every now and again when it comes to relationships.

PiP wrote: you tell him to approach a girl and suggest going to a concert and she is to believe it's 'neutral' and 'casual'? Yeah right. It's obvious it's a date and it's obvious he wants to make a move this way. And it's an another guy's girlfriend for ceying out loud, he can get his teeth knocked out.

He can go with a few other friends then, so it's not just the two of them. But it's a concert, not a candlelit dinner. If my boyfriend met someone at work and they both loved some band that I loathed, and that band was playing a gig in town, I'd think nothing of the two of them going to see it, unless I didn't know the other guy at all and/or was deeply insecure about my boyfriend hanging around other men. Which I'm not, because I have a life. And like I said, these are hints to be dropped. I'm not suggesting Strider and this girl start hanging out every weekend, because yeah, that would be a tad conspicuous.

The point about being a good friend to her while her relationship is in its death throes is a good one, though. If she's not blind she'll see that there are clearly other, better fish in the ocean.

And now you know why I ask for details, because there are lots of variables here.

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:00 pm

Strider wrote:Subhuman, I know this chick at work and I want to ask her out but she already has a boyfriend, should I ask her out anyway and see what happens? She seems like the kind of woman that would like to move on.

Think about it...if you ask her out and she goes for you and drops him, or cheats, or anything...well, do you want it to last? If she'll leave that easy you might question what you want with her, and if you want longterm...then she may not be the best bet.

Smiley · Post by **Smiley** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 10:26 pm

I'm balding (at age 23) and thinking of getting the Heihachi haircut.

Yay or nay?

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 11:01 pm

nay. i knew youve been balding for the last 3 years anyway, sheesh. just wear that bald patch proud, its a badge of honour. and dont get a combover or anything silly, jeez. ED WE NEED UR HELP AS THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD

dac dac dac. what should one do, like i know this guy, like lets talk theoretically for the moment, if one friend would have a problem unable to repeat to any friends (?) or usual trusted ones. problem to silly to even admit on dac. what the heck can i do dac i need a tap to let free this vile, black shit thats cooking.

Smiley · Post by **Smiley** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 11:08 pm

I thought the heihachi *would* be being proud of the bald spot.

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:23 am

he has no hair roots because of karate chops to his boulder face. just shave it all off, hair is dead for you. buy some hats? foggedit, learn to love yourself smile ball, you shall realize that hair is not needed in this world of modern machines

Smiley · Post by **Smiley** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:45 am

How would wearing hats/headware be more self-loving than displaying a lack of scalp hair?

Anyway, recommend hats! Which would you digg?

Redeye · Post by **Redeye** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 4:58 am

Smiley wrote:How would wearing hats/headware be more self-loving than displaying a lack of scalp hair?

Anyway, recommend hats! Which would you digg?

Strider · Post by **Strider** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 7:23 am

Caleb wrote:
Strider wrote:Subhuman, I know this chick at work and I want to ask her out but she already has a boyfriend, should I ask her out anyway and see what happens? She seems like the kind of woman that would like to move on.
Think about it...if you ask her out and she goes for you and drops him, or cheats, or anything...well, do you want it to last? If she'll leave that easy you might question what you want with her, and if you want longterm...then she may not be the best bet.

I actually thought of that myself and it does make sense. However, it is always possible that she may be getting tired of her current boyfriend or that she knows he may be be cheating on her or some other thing beneficial to me. You never know. I will play my cards very carefully on this one and look for some kind of hole. Their are tons of women out there so it's not some kind of unhealthy obsession.

PiP · Post by **PiP** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:51 am

funnily enough, Strider responded only to Caleb's advice. Perhaps Subby's and mine were.. eh.. too 'wordy'

Smiley, you can just shave it or trim real short - it's comfortable this way.
That funny-old-man hairstyle would be extraordinary, so if you can afford it without negative social repercussions go ahead. Hulk Hogan physique and a long coat would fit too I guess

Subhuman wrote: That's...kinda we're doing here.

yea I got carried away a tiny bit. Carry on!

and

I postulate that all queries to Subhuman in this thread be started with "Dear Darryl," from now on. Or at least "Dear Subhuman,"

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:08 am

I

postulate that all

queries to pIp be studded

liberally with emoticons.

jetbaby · Post by **jetbaby** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 2:45 pm

This thread is fantastic. Seriously.

Also, Smiley, please do it.

I'd ask for advice on something but my life consists of nothing but work and sleep so I figure why bother trying.

jetbaby · Post by **jetbaby** » Thu Oct 25, 2007 2:55 pm

Though spammy I find that those pictures perfectly illustrate what you add to Duck and Cover, Dreadnought. Cheers.

Fosters. Australian foah beeah.

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