Subhuman's advice corner (featuring Tingel Tangel on drums)

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Urizen
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Post by Urizen »

don't. cooking fish is murder.
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Thor Kaufman
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Post by Thor Kaufman »

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he sits in a boat all day drinking beer.
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Post by fallout ranger »

indeed...
does this work
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cazsim83
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Post by cazsim83 »

Thor Kaufman wrote:Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he sits in a boat all day drinking beer.
Thor's Thoughts of Truth (new thread)

fish smells like unwashed smegma vagina when it's cooking, not that I know of course.
But if you must cook it, use spices and tasy things like lemon juice and beer or wine.
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sarge112
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Post by sarge112 »

Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
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Post by Dreadnought »

sarge112 wrote:Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
The first remotely entertaining thing you've ever said. You've gone over the peak of your existence at DAC. Stop posting now for instant win!!!
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vendetta
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Post by vendetta »

I'm serious. I'm having a girl over and she eats no meat 'cept my wick (hopefully) and fish. SO.. any tips?
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Post by Splatterpope »

Combine them.
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Post by Dreadnought »

Beat her up and post it on the internet.
���������
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Post by Nameless_One »

vendetta wrote:I'm serious. I'm having a girl over and she eats no meat 'cept my wick (hopefully) and fish. SO.. any tips?
Really,try google...or HEY,SUBHUMAN do you have any suggessions for this problem?
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Post by VasikkA »

Prepare some lighter-colored meat(dunno, rabbit or veal) and say it's fish. When she's done eating, reveal what she really ate and much hilarity will ensue. Sex guaranteed.
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Post by Urizen »

vendetta wrote:I'm serious. I'm having a girl over and she eats no meat 'cept my wick (hopefully) and fish. SO.. any tips?
bake it, fry it, sauté it, bury it in the ground for six months (we actually do that), whatever. just don't cook it.
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cazsim83
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Post by cazsim83 »

where the heck is Subby w/ those tips!?
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Post by Megatron »

beet an egg in a dish add some breadcrumbs and herbs and lemon then dip plaice in egg then the bread then fry vwalla :)
:chew:
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Post by Subhuman »

Cripes, people, give me a night to sleep.

Short answer: depends on the kind of fish, and whether it's farmed or wild. Wild salmon, for example, is best dealt with grilled or fried for a mere few minutes, then spritzed with fresh lemon juice, nothing else. There's already lots of flavor in the fish itself. But farmed salmon can be just dandy as well, and that's usually what you get at the supermarket. It's also good grilled/barbecued with some lemon.

Figure out what fish your potential rape victim prefers and then report back. For any kind of fish, though, I've got two suggestions: teriyaki sauce and lemon salsa. Here's a stupidly easy teriyaki sauce that goes great with salmon and (I've heard) mackerel.

(For one fish steak or filet, so double for two):
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons sake
1 tablespoon mirin (Japanese cooking wine, it's in the Asian food aisle)
1 teaspoon sugar

Mix together in a small saucepan and bring to a boil to dissolve the sugar. Put it to the side. Heat up a non-stick (or lightly oiled) pan and fry the fish on one side for about two minutes, then flip it over and add the teriyaki sauce. Baste the fish with the sauce if you have a turkey baster, otherwise just spoon up some of the sauce and drizzle it over the fish every now and again. Turn the fish over once more, then remove it to a plate using a slotted spatula (not tongs, the fish will crumble). Let the remaining sauce bubble up and thicken a bit in the pan until it's dark and syrupy (but not too sticky and dry), then pour it over top of the fish. Serve with rice and some kind of green veggies, if you can be assed.

The lemon salsa is from a recipe book that recommends it with sardines, but I can tell you it goes with just about any fish, and even chicken. Cook the fish as you would normally, on a barbecue or in a pan for a few minutes per side, then serve the salsa alongside.

2 lemons
1 large or 2 small red onions
small bunch of fresh parsley
small bunch of mint or coriander
125 ml extra virgin olive oil
juice of half a lemon
sea salt and black pepper

Peel the two lemons, then chop them rougly and put them in a bowl. Then chop the red onion, parsley and mint/coriander by hand or in a food processor (by hand is more fun), but don't chop the herbs so finely they turn into mush. Add this mix to the chopped lemons and stir in the olive oil and lemon juice, then add the salt and pepper. Add a pinch of dried red pepper flakes if you'd like. Let the salsa sit and infuse (macerate) while you cook the fish.

Megatron's suggestion is a good one as well. It's pretty hard to screw up fish, they're the easiest things to cook.
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fallout ranger
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Post by fallout ranger »

It pisses me off when you don't use enough oil/butter and they get stuck to the pan, thus leaving you with a bunch of fish crumbs.
does this work
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cazsim83
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Post by cazsim83 »

Subhuman wrote: Figure out what fish your potential rape victim prefers and then report back.
qfe :drunk: :roofies:
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sarge112
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Post by sarge112 »

:rofl:
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vendetta
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Post by vendetta »

Sounds good. I like the idea of making something with teriyaki sauce, she might bring along some Asian friends. She only hangs out with Asians these days, don't ask me why. So yeah, might not be the "romantic" night I was thinking about..

I won't have any problem filling up the rest of the plate, though. I'm planning on making steamed broccoli with cheese, and home-made potato chips. It'll look like some kind of fish & chips thing. Nothing too fancy, I'm not that kind of guy.
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