Declaration of Grievances: Fallout 3
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Waferthinmint
- Scarf-wearing n00b
- Posts: 30
- Joined: Wed Jun 24, 2009 12:37 am
I liked Morrowind, despite it's bugs, despite the topical conversations, because of the environments and gameplay. It was a unique game with a fairly interesting setting and a lot of fun things to do and places to explore.
I loathed Oblivion for it's watered down, pseudo action-RPG gameplay, watered down controls, horrifically bland environs, both outdoors in the generic wooded hills and underground in the generic magical-y ruins and generic ruined forts, as well as the fact that not only was it even buggier, but they added retarded graphical improvements without actually bothering to make a game engine that could handle them, resulting in a game that runs like shit on my computer, which can run Crysis without problems. Not that it matters since any of the marginal immersion that decent graphics might have offered is destroyed by the hideous zombie faces and atrocious voice acting of all the people.
Shivering Isles was an improvement in the environment sense, but only in that they copied the look of Morrowind as much as possible. It's as if the developers threw up their hands and said "Fuck it, we can't come up with anything new, let's just copy and paste the last good one"(Yeah, as if they said that)
Then Fallout 3 was announced, and I was determined not to give it a chance. There was no way, I thought, that a game in a resurrected franchise notorious for bugs, made by a shitty, lazy developer fully prepared to lick the assholes of console gamers and water down everything, the plot, the gameplay, the controls, everything, just to cater to those Xbox mouthbreathers, could possibly be good. Unfortunately, I came in to some extra money right before it came out, and my retarded, drug addict friend kept pestering me to buy it, saying it was going to be awesome and stuff. So I bought it, like the retard that I clearly am.
It was, again, an improvement. It was ten times better than Oblivion in basically every way. But that's not saying a whole lot. It still crashed if you so much as looked at it funny, and the fucking secuROM cried at me half the time I tried to play the game I bought and fucking paid for. And given how it looks, the performance was pretty pathetic. The radio stuttering, distant land models loading up in the sky directly above me for no apparent reason, etc. But it all came together in a way that was sort of decent-ish.
I had fun looking out over the ruined DC. I had fun watching Megaton explode along with that Irish asshat (how can there be an accent bearing minority 200 years after the downfall of civilization, which presumably took trans-atlantic migration with it?) and that crazy woman. I had tons of fun looking out at the vast wasteland from the top of Tenpenny tower. I had fun watching Tenpenny's corpse carthweel through the air to the ground, through the scope of my brand new sniper rifle. I had fun watching heads of all variety explode in to meaty, eye-ball strewn chunks. I had tons of fun watching Liberty Prime's bad-ass march to the Jefferson Memorial.
But then it was over, and I realized that the game was nothing but a spectacle. Not really different, in any appreciable way, from a stupid action movie. Besides 50 dollars, of course, and that movies don't prevent you from watching them because of pointless paranoia that does precisely dick to actually stop piracy. An excuse to spend a few hours with your brain turned off, watching people, robots, and cars explode. As a game experience, it fails utterly. How could it be enjoyable? The characters? That falls flat right away since the only half-way decent voice over comes from the soulless computer that you're supposed to hate and kill. The story? Please. The story is like a greatest hits clip show of the first two games, with all the parts that made them good stories neatly excised.
The weapons? Har. Each type of weapon has only 2-4 specific types, with one being absolutely, objectively best, and the rest being worthless vendor trash. The combat? Well that doesn't work because the combat is stupid. It's stupid to RPG fans because it's based on FPS gameplay except with the utterly depth free VATS system that I can't go in to without making my head hurt. It can't satisfy FPS fans because it has no real gameplay innovations, no particularly crafty enemy AI, no interesting new weapons, nothing. Finally, it can't satisfy fans of common sense because if you're good at shooting that kind of gun, the bullets magically hurt more.
I won't complain much about the silliness and gore. Frankly, the first two Fallout games had gore in spades, and some silliness, especially Fallout 2. The stupid parts, however, are very much worth complaining about. Making Super Mutants in to Orcs but with guns was very, very stupid. And the fact that they lock up the intelligent ones? That's ridiculous. Even more so since there's no explanation given. That's a pretty big logical gap to fill on your own. Raiders being mindlessly aggressive, blatantly sadistic psychopaths? Um. If they kill everybody who comes near them, how do they get new people? Why are all of them complete madmen? Why do they dress in a completely different style from everybody else, destroying any chance at surprising people?
200 year old things that are still good, and more importantly, not looted long, long, LONG ago? How can a Nuclear car explode in an atomic blast when you shoot at it? Nuclear fission does not work that way! And if they can, how the fuck were they selling these things? A couple of bullets can light one up, imagine what would happen if there was a fender bender on a crowded highway during rush hour. Forget war with China, THAT'S what caused the flaming nuclear apocalypse!
Anyway, I'm not much of a forum person, but I really felt the need to bitch, and my only friend who gives even half a shit about video games doesn't care at all about Fallout.
I loathed Oblivion for it's watered down, pseudo action-RPG gameplay, watered down controls, horrifically bland environs, both outdoors in the generic wooded hills and underground in the generic magical-y ruins and generic ruined forts, as well as the fact that not only was it even buggier, but they added retarded graphical improvements without actually bothering to make a game engine that could handle them, resulting in a game that runs like shit on my computer, which can run Crysis without problems. Not that it matters since any of the marginal immersion that decent graphics might have offered is destroyed by the hideous zombie faces and atrocious voice acting of all the people.
Shivering Isles was an improvement in the environment sense, but only in that they copied the look of Morrowind as much as possible. It's as if the developers threw up their hands and said "Fuck it, we can't come up with anything new, let's just copy and paste the last good one"(Yeah, as if they said that)
Then Fallout 3 was announced, and I was determined not to give it a chance. There was no way, I thought, that a game in a resurrected franchise notorious for bugs, made by a shitty, lazy developer fully prepared to lick the assholes of console gamers and water down everything, the plot, the gameplay, the controls, everything, just to cater to those Xbox mouthbreathers, could possibly be good. Unfortunately, I came in to some extra money right before it came out, and my retarded, drug addict friend kept pestering me to buy it, saying it was going to be awesome and stuff. So I bought it, like the retard that I clearly am.
It was, again, an improvement. It was ten times better than Oblivion in basically every way. But that's not saying a whole lot. It still crashed if you so much as looked at it funny, and the fucking secuROM cried at me half the time I tried to play the game I bought and fucking paid for. And given how it looks, the performance was pretty pathetic. The radio stuttering, distant land models loading up in the sky directly above me for no apparent reason, etc. But it all came together in a way that was sort of decent-ish.
I had fun looking out over the ruined DC. I had fun watching Megaton explode along with that Irish asshat (how can there be an accent bearing minority 200 years after the downfall of civilization, which presumably took trans-atlantic migration with it?) and that crazy woman. I had tons of fun looking out at the vast wasteland from the top of Tenpenny tower. I had fun watching Tenpenny's corpse carthweel through the air to the ground, through the scope of my brand new sniper rifle. I had fun watching heads of all variety explode in to meaty, eye-ball strewn chunks. I had tons of fun watching Liberty Prime's bad-ass march to the Jefferson Memorial.
But then it was over, and I realized that the game was nothing but a spectacle. Not really different, in any appreciable way, from a stupid action movie. Besides 50 dollars, of course, and that movies don't prevent you from watching them because of pointless paranoia that does precisely dick to actually stop piracy. An excuse to spend a few hours with your brain turned off, watching people, robots, and cars explode. As a game experience, it fails utterly. How could it be enjoyable? The characters? That falls flat right away since the only half-way decent voice over comes from the soulless computer that you're supposed to hate and kill. The story? Please. The story is like a greatest hits clip show of the first two games, with all the parts that made them good stories neatly excised.
The weapons? Har. Each type of weapon has only 2-4 specific types, with one being absolutely, objectively best, and the rest being worthless vendor trash. The combat? Well that doesn't work because the combat is stupid. It's stupid to RPG fans because it's based on FPS gameplay except with the utterly depth free VATS system that I can't go in to without making my head hurt. It can't satisfy FPS fans because it has no real gameplay innovations, no particularly crafty enemy AI, no interesting new weapons, nothing. Finally, it can't satisfy fans of common sense because if you're good at shooting that kind of gun, the bullets magically hurt more.
I won't complain much about the silliness and gore. Frankly, the first two Fallout games had gore in spades, and some silliness, especially Fallout 2. The stupid parts, however, are very much worth complaining about. Making Super Mutants in to Orcs but with guns was very, very stupid. And the fact that they lock up the intelligent ones? That's ridiculous. Even more so since there's no explanation given. That's a pretty big logical gap to fill on your own. Raiders being mindlessly aggressive, blatantly sadistic psychopaths? Um. If they kill everybody who comes near them, how do they get new people? Why are all of them complete madmen? Why do they dress in a completely different style from everybody else, destroying any chance at surprising people?
200 year old things that are still good, and more importantly, not looted long, long, LONG ago? How can a Nuclear car explode in an atomic blast when you shoot at it? Nuclear fission does not work that way! And if they can, how the fuck were they selling these things? A couple of bullets can light one up, imagine what would happen if there was a fender bender on a crowded highway during rush hour. Forget war with China, THAT'S what caused the flaming nuclear apocalypse!
Anyway, I'm not much of a forum person, but I really felt the need to bitch, and my only friend who gives even half a shit about video games doesn't care at all about Fallout.
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SenisterDenister
- Haha you're still not there yet
- Posts: 3536
- Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:03 pm
- Location: Cackalackyland
But... they explode.How can a Nuclear car explode in an atomic blast when you shoot at it? Nuclear fission does not work that way! And if they can, how the fuck were they selling these things? A couple of bullets can light one up, imagine what would happen if there was a fender bender on a crowded highway during rush hour.
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Dogmeatlives
- Living Legend
- Posts: 3193
- Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:35 am
- Location: Junktown, Phil's doorstep
Ok so I got my xbok working and I was really close to the end so played the last mission and killed the enclave and purified all the water and stuff....
all I have to say is why couldn't my mutant friend go in and press the button to do whatever it did? After actually playing the ending im surprised people werent more pissed off about the total lack of sense. Its blatantly obvious they just needed a dramatic end moment and couldnt think of anything else.
So when I sent the chick in to do it instead of me, she was such a sore loser about it. I was even like "Good luck." and she was like all pmsing. I wish there was an option for me to change my mind afer her bitching, but remind her that its because she's such a fucking complainer that my heroic ass has to die.
But she went in and even reached her hand out to me all dramatically as she was dying, like "save me...". I almost shed a tear. Behind me my radiation immune mutant friend just kind of stood looking around.
Oh and even the narrator was pissed at me for not jesus christing myself and dying for their sins. Ron Pearlman was like "When you had a final chance to be heroic you pussied out and instead a true vaginal hero sacrificed herself for the good of man...
Its not my fault that I understand the futility of all this struggle for man is doomed to repeat himself so who gives a fuck, and anyway do I want to save Fallout 3's human population? Most of them walk back and forth all day looking in different directions.
I wanted to cause more destruction to be honest. I wish I could have polluted all the fucking water and watched towns filled with people turn refugee and have to suffer and shit. I want to be a wasteland slave trader. I want to revel in the suffering of these wasteland people, but the bad way is no fun. The game was designed with a judeo-christian path in mind and if you stray from that you unravel the entire world.
So fuck Bethesda. They had the oblivion engine already built and they couldnt do more?!
Like seriously... If I had gone to school for gaming, became a designer working with a whole group of designers full-time for like three-four years.... I mean what the fuck were they doing?
I could have done a better job with bits of the voice acting myself and I'm just some dude. Ok the end.
all I have to say is why couldn't my mutant friend go in and press the button to do whatever it did? After actually playing the ending im surprised people werent more pissed off about the total lack of sense. Its blatantly obvious they just needed a dramatic end moment and couldnt think of anything else.
So when I sent the chick in to do it instead of me, she was such a sore loser about it. I was even like "Good luck." and she was like all pmsing. I wish there was an option for me to change my mind afer her bitching, but remind her that its because she's such a fucking complainer that my heroic ass has to die.
But she went in and even reached her hand out to me all dramatically as she was dying, like "save me...". I almost shed a tear. Behind me my radiation immune mutant friend just kind of stood looking around.
Oh and even the narrator was pissed at me for not jesus christing myself and dying for their sins. Ron Pearlman was like "When you had a final chance to be heroic you pussied out and instead a true vaginal hero sacrificed herself for the good of man...
Its not my fault that I understand the futility of all this struggle for man is doomed to repeat himself so who gives a fuck, and anyway do I want to save Fallout 3's human population? Most of them walk back and forth all day looking in different directions.
I wanted to cause more destruction to be honest. I wish I could have polluted all the fucking water and watched towns filled with people turn refugee and have to suffer and shit. I want to be a wasteland slave trader. I want to revel in the suffering of these wasteland people, but the bad way is no fun. The game was designed with a judeo-christian path in mind and if you stray from that you unravel the entire world.
So fuck Bethesda. They had the oblivion engine already built and they couldnt do more?!
Like seriously... If I had gone to school for gaming, became a designer working with a whole group of designers full-time for like three-four years.... I mean what the fuck were they doing?
I could have done a better job with bits of the voice acting myself and I'm just some dude. Ok the end.
Wasteland Radio, with Charlie C.
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SenisterDenister
- Haha you're still not there yet
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[HpA]SniperPotato
- Desert Wanderer
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Dogmeatlives
- Living Legend
- Posts: 3193
- Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:35 am
- Location: Junktown, Phil's doorstep
Really? My turds usually look like Bush... I'm tellin ya, I gotta lay off the flesh-colored foodekkaman wrote:nope id say you obama is a turd hell hes even the right shade for the one i did last night steaming pile of turd in a suit.virus16bit wrote:Right.
I'm assuming you both are referring to the above "comic genius" who has made a mockery of civilization in one image.....
.Wasteland Radio, with Charlie C.
What I read from that is you like to have sex with poop.ekkaman wrote:nope id say you obama is a turd hell hes even the right shade for the one i did last night steaming pile of turd in a suit.virus16bit wrote:Right.
I'm assuming you both are referring to the above "comic genius" who has made a mockery of civilization in one image.....
"You're going to have a tough time doing that without your head, palooka."
- the Vault Dweller
- the Vault Dweller
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ekkaman
- Elite Wanderer
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dude good job lol gotta stop fucking that shitRetlaw83 wrote:What I read from that is you like to have sex with poop.ekkaman wrote:nope id say you obama is a turd hell hes even the right shade for the one i did last night steaming pile of turd in a suit.virus16bit wrote:Right.
I'm assuming you both are referring to the above "comic genius" who has made a mockery of civilization in one image.....
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King of Creation
- Righteous Subjugator
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