My book

[Yonmanc]

True, Terran is the name I'm using for the Human empire in my sci-fi story about space bounty hunters I keep meaning to actually flesh out.

Any Ret, lovin it so far, let us know when/if you find a publisher.

[Megatron]

I read a few pages. I struggle with big info dumps at the start of a book about all the science behind the current reality. The first page at least should grab attention, not particularly describe a flag. I'll read through a bit more later perhaps, but if you were going to send it off I'd skip to a human element people are familiar with such as a conversation. Also there's almost too much data (such as numbers, character names) to process. For me anyway, but i have a low attention spain

on the otherhand i like your attention to detail and whatevz. keep going, 330 pages is good progress.

[Retlaw83]

True, Terran is the name I'm using for the Human empire in my sci-fi story about space bounty hunters I keep meaning to actually flesh out.

Hot. Post it when you're done.

Any Ret, lovin it so far, let us know when/if you find a publisher.

Finding a publisher takes time, and putting the whole thing up on the internet first helps me on two fronts: it allows me to strengthen what I wrote through feedback, and proves to a publisher that there are people who actually want to read it. They don't lose money in that deal because the finished product that's polished by professional editors will be a lot stronger than the work I did on my own.

I'll put up another four chapters tonight, then put the rest up in a couple days; whole thing is 15 chapters long, counting the epilogue.

The first page at least should grab attention, not particularly describe a flag. I'll read through a bit more later perhaps, but if you were going to send it off I'd skip to a human element people are familiar with such as a conversation. Also there's almost too much data (such as numbers, character names) to process. For me anyway, but i have a low attention spain

Originally, the flag description was much farther on in the book. I might move it back there and just launch into the argument between Kaitlyn and Menawalski.

The large amount of characters works to the detriment of trying to get off the ground running, but if I slow things down I feel like I run the risk of introducing them too late. Prefacing each character with a rank probably doesn't help much either when they're first introduced.

Numbers get mentioned less as the book wears on; I mainly wanted to reinforce a basic human unit has 52 people while a tanakan one has 24, but perhaps that's unnecessary and/or I was too heavy handed with it.

on the otherhand i like your attention to detail and whatevz. keep going, 330 pages is good progress.

Thanks.

[Retlaw83]

Chapters 5 through 8 are up. Same drill, download the PDF on the right.

Going to put up a rank chart later; in the printed version of the book it would be attached to the back.

[Retlaw83]

Whole thing's up now.

[Stalagmite]

My "CBF'd to read an entire book written by some American cunt I met online ratio" is running rather slim at the moment.
BUT! Since you'll probably be offended by this statement, or try to downplay it in the event of a post claiming you don't care (altogether (me) wondering why the post came up to begin with), I may, at some point down the road, print the bastard and read it fully and provide feedback accordingly.
Honestly, I really have not much to do right now as the "Lark Sighting" thread demonstrated, so call this a sign of proper entanglements between paths, if you will.

[Retlaw83]

I'm not going to be broken up if you don't read it, but aside from the costs you incur printing it, it is a free book. Not going to make a claim like it's entirely typo free - a problem with documents this size is I know what I intend to say, so I occasionally gloss over typos - and perhaps there's some plot elements that are just plain dumb. But I don't know these things without feedback.

[SenisterDenister]

I've always wanted to write a book, myself. I'll get around to reading yours when I have time.

Although, mind giving me a synopsis for the setting (not necessarily the plot)?

[Retlaw83]

It happens in the year 3030 on Pluto. A country called the United Terran States is there mining a carbon-rich mineral used in the containment of anti-matter when they make contact with the first alien race humanity has met, but all is not what it seems...

DUN DUN DUN

[Jeff]

couldn't bother to read any of it but i think highly of your efforts

The United TERRAN States. Starcraft

latin motherfucker do you speaking it sheesh

[Jeff]

i think cakester should write a book as well then we could compare, ultimate writing championship, imagine all that hustle and bustle around the tetragon, literally

[Yonmanc]

He's too busy making 3D representations of his own ineptitude to write a book. But I bet if he did, it'd have something to do with me sendin him a video, and him sitting down, and wathcing it, only to find it's just a recording of me taking a crap down Katie's throat.

[Psychoul]

In any case, i salute you for writing a book.

Edit in English:.
OK first off, you mentioned Terran BattleCruisers. That is exactly what the Terran Battlecruisers are called in Starcraft 2. Since i am a Starcraft fan, i think of starcraft when ever i see either word; Terran, or battlecruiser. I am not saying that it is an intentional rip-off, obviously not, but i am trying to prove a point by saying obliquely that who ever says it IS a rip off.. is WRONG. That is so because both words are very general. Terran- terra.(blah blah) and Battlecruiser is what it is. It was not a creative name that was created for a specific purpose other than; the VOICE for the Terran battlecruiser. ("BATTLECRUISER... OPERATIONAL")

[Retlaw83]

I have no idea what you're on about.

[Frater Perdurabo]

In Starcraft the Terran race has the Battlecruiser unit, the "avatar" of which is a guy with a heavy Russian accent.

[Jeff]

they also have the marine unit, any reference to that?

Frozen Edge - the ode to Starcraft II, by Retlaw83

[Retlaw83]

Again, I'd like to stress I've never played Starcraft.

There are no marines - you have Armed Forces troopers and Navy corpsman, but there's not much call for naval personnel (as in waterborne navy) on Pluto so the latter doesn't feature in the book.

Way I have it setup is U.T.S.A.F. controls ground army, BattleCruiser fleets, and airplanes. Navy has its own airplanes to be launched from carriers, and specialized spaceships to transport water boats between planets, but again the Navy doesn't feature in this book. This story also happens right as humanity is reaching towards the stars, and the BattleCruisers are the result of an arms race; since they're first generation, they'll probably be replaced afterward the next book.

The concept of a battlecruiser is a military one - its a ship that has less armor than a warship, so its more maneuverable, but as much firepower as a warship. If the name bothers people that much it can be easily changed.

[Frater Perdurabo]

It doesn't exactly bother anyone but if people who haven't been following this discussion end up reading this book, they will consider it, well probably just a lack of imagination rather than a direct rip-off. Maybe add a disclaimer in the beginning "All references to Starcraft are entirely accidental"

And by the way, play the games. The storylines are very fun and extremely well written. I've played the shit out of both games and they are worth every penny. I think you can get the Starcraft Anthology (SC1 + Expansion) for a tenner or something, just make a battle.net account and buy it from there.

Starcraft II is also an amazing game but for the sake of storyline you should play the first one before the second because the line of events is a direct continuation.

[Retlaw83]

It doesn't exactly bother anyone but if people who haven't been following this discussion end up reading this book, they will consider it, well probably just a lack of imagination rather than a direct rip-off. Maybe add a disclaimer in the beginning "All references to Starcraft are entirely accidental"

From what I hear, Starcraft is a collection of scifi cliches. I also lied slightly when I said never played it, a college roommate tried to get me to try it out. I played the first two single player levels and it didn't click with me, so I never touched it again - I've always been more of a Command and Conquer kind of guy.

Isn't accusing me of having a lack of imagination with the names also accusing Starcraft of the same?

[Superhaze]

Starcraft was originally a Warhammer 40k game, but the idiots at Warhammer HQ didnt want it and thusly became the least clever people who ever ran a company. huzzah!