Lone Wanderer seeks her Charon - w4m

Post by **King of Creation** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:22 pm

[ Game -> Article ]

Craigslist is known for having some pretty strange ads posted up, but <a href="http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wd ... html">this one</a> has got to rank up there.
 
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<h2 style="padding-left: 30px;">Lone Wanderer seeks her Charon - w4m</h2>
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 Date: 2009-07-22, 1:49PM EDT

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<div id="userbody" style="padding-left: 30px;">I know this is strange but the heart continues to want what it wants.

In short, I'm a 25 year old female who's sustained some pretty harsh injuries and I'm going stir crazy.
I've traveled the world as a drifter/hitchhiker, I'm currently a working musician, writer and dog trainer.
I also have a degree in veterinary technology.
I'm slightly insane but perhaps in a good way.
Um...chaotic neutral, eager to please and have had a ridiculously eventful life.
This down time is hard for me.
Someone recently likened me to Harold and Maude all in one package
and I that sounds about right.
I look a little like a Raider I suppose.

You: Charon from Fallout 3. Yes, you read that right.
You are a gigantic, deceptively stoic ghoul bodyguard.
Someone who can stay in character well and satisfy the strange compulsion/crush I continue to have have on that damned ghoul.
Someone who is creative enough to characterize him and suspend my disbelief again.
I find myself only able to speak to someone who's fronting as this character. I don't open up easily and I just...don't get it either.
If you are suffering from boredom and can roleplay this character well, there is a good chance I can help you with that boredom.
I don't seem to get tired of this.

So. I have your contract and our time in the Wastes was short.
You're still in DC and I, your "employer" am here only accessible via remote terminal.
The employer/Charon relationship would be strictly instant messenger/email and possibly phone but only if you can do the voice really well.
Maybe it will remain civil and friendly, maybe it will turn into something a little more adult. It usually does.
I'd prefer something frequent and long term if possible, with room for progression into something different maybe.

Before receiving a batch of pointless, off topic emails, I feel I have to add this:
All messages that clearly don't get what I'm asking for here will simply be ignored and deleted.
Do not send me your photo or your stats!
Your height, weight, race, etc are irrelevant because you are actually a cranky, sexually repressed, 6'8 irradiated manservant from the Underworld.
Someone over 25+ would be preferable. That is my only stipulation but it is not a hard limit.
It seems that spelling and grammar improve with age is all.
Good spelling and grammar are an absolute must!

I had an excellent Charon before but he...vanished and I find myself sadly looking for a replacement.
I need a rebound Charon in case he doesn't come back...although I am still hoping he does.
Getting my heart broken by an NPC is something I'll add to the vast list of things I've experienced
that make me keep writing music.

Here's hoping you're out there.
Please message me in character. This is important.

I will make it worth your while!


<ul>
<li> Location: The Nothern Wastes </li>
<li style="padding-left: 30px;">it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</li>
</ul>
</div>Spotted @ <a href="http://planetfallout.gamespy.com/">Planet Fallout</a>

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:52 pm

sounds like she might be poopers type.

Post by **Dogmeatlives** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:14 pm

This could be a great creative writing exercise, but if you end up being too good she might find you and chop off your head.

I can imagine waking up one night with this pale weird looking nerd girl standing in the corner of my room. I try to move but I'm already tied up and she's murmuring to herself "Charon wouldn't abandon me..."
"Is he inside you? I know he is because he came out and loved me. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to cut you open to find my ghoul love!"

and then she leaps at me and I'm like "Aw fuck no!" as her homemade ripper crashes into my ribcage "Aaaargrrhhhhhhh!"

I'm dead.

Post by **Dogmeatlives** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:16 pm

Pooper should def have a crack at dat ass though.

Post by **Retlaw83** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:20 am

I bet she's fat - in a dumpy manner, not an attractive one - and that her music sucks.

Post by **Manoil** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 1:27 am

Bitches be wildin' out

Post by **Dogmeatlives** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:39 am

I would steer clear of any

who digs Fallout 3. They must be defective

Amis · Post by **Amis** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 1:48 pm

No... You... Talk Azrukhal.

Fallout 3 rules tho.

Mismatch · Post by **Mismatch** » Tue Oct 13, 2009 7:06 am

not an attractive one

Trauma · Post by **Trauma** » Sun May 15, 2011 12:11 pm

Heeheehee.
For old time's sake I searched for my old ad (which is also on Best of Craigslist) and here it is, permanently etched onto teh interwebs for dog knows how long.

Truth be told, I do still have it. A crossed wire in my brain, a fetish, something my subconscious decided to project randomly onto a video game character to give me delicious neuro-chemicals I surmise.
Or maybe I just love giant, brainwashed meta-humans who are surgeons with shotguns.
I guess I'll never know but I do have to live with it, unluckily for me.
Perhaps lucky for a few though.

On that note, Charons are hard to find - and seeing as I'm pretty deep into the fetish scene and have seen more than anyone should regarding weird fetishes, that's saying a lot.
If finding someone just to roleplay him online is this impossible than imagine how hard it would be to find a 6'7 guy to actually dress up like him, do the voice and um...how would the whole skin/nose thing work?
God it's moments like this that I see how royally fucked I am. >.<

Anyways there was some correctness here but I'mma clarify.
I WAS a bit of a fatty back then but indeed one of the attractive ones ("plus" model/high muscle content, nice rack/face etc).
Most the weight is gone now however and "dumpy" was never part of the equation. I'm quite tall and leggy structurally speaking.
For the record, I got big because of illness not because of twinkies - and the illness/being stir crazy was most likely a factor in my erm...Charon-dependency.
Oh and I AM pale, but good insane or so I've been told. Generally people who are bat-shit insane don't have the lifestyle I do so if I "*am* actually insane, I'm functionally insane and I put it all into my music.
My music is pretty well liked as well - it's been used in a few movies and TV series'...one of the songs is even about Charon.
How messed up is that? Heee!
I get a kick out of that.

Welly, I've said my piece and although there is no point whatsoever to responding and I'll probably get ridiculed/attacked or something to that effect after pressing "submit", I'm going to be happy I did for whatever reason.
I guess some things are just like that.

And if you see Charon, send him my way, would ya?
I really, really, really miss him.

Cheers, youz guys.

PS. NV isn't half as good as FO3 and I'm not just saying that because of the lack of vanilla Charon.

Tofu Man · Post by **Tofu Man** » Sun May 15, 2011 2:58 pm

Trauma wrote:For old time's sake I searched for my old ad (which is also on Best of Craigslist)

You know, I started reading that post with some interest. Sure, she's narcissistic, but at least the spelling's ok I gue-

Trauma wrote:something my subconscious decided to project randomly onto a video game character to give me delicious neuro-chemicals I surmise.

Great, a lame Megatron clone with tits is just what we needed, I bet-

Trauma wrote:Charons

Oh god. This isn't going to end well, is it? I mean the fake weird turn-ons I get, some people are de-

Trauma wrote:NV isn't half as good as FO3

Aaaaand there we go.

Dogmeatlives wrote:I would steer clear of any who digs Fallout 3. They must be defective

Listen to the man, sport, and go get yourself fixed before you come back. And bring some golf clubs btw.

Alternatively, feel free to try the retard's neck of the woods. No doubt the phenomenally slow locals will receive your calls for attention with the wide-eyed wonder you so desperately crave. You'll feel right at home.

Trauma · Post by **Trauma** » Sun May 15, 2011 3:09 pm

Not sure if it was for some sort of effect or a malfunction but most of your sentences cut off and it's a little garbled and incoherent.

That being said I suppose I should thank you for the link. Bwaha.

I've been called "defective" by a few men btw, mostly ones who seemed to be intimidated by the whole military/traveler background thing and my love of bushcraft (some men find a woman killing, skinning, gutting and cooking up a deer hot and some don't which is understandable) but I've never been slammed for playing vidya games - especially Fallout!
That's a new one.

Wide-eyed wonder wonder sounds nice - not sure I know what it entails.
Heady philosophical discourse and creativity/experimentation is more my style but if I can find said "wide-eyed wonder" via that link, I'll send you a muffin basket.

Tofu Man · Post by **Tofu Man** » Sun May 15, 2011 3:14 pm

Also,

Retlaw83 wrote:I bet she's fat

Trauma wrote:I'm fat

I loled.

Trauma · Post by **Trauma** » Sun May 15, 2011 3:20 pm

Ooh! Look you can pretend to put a little quote box around something I didn't type and make it look like I said it!
That's AWESOME!

Actually what I said, you can go read it again if you like is:
I WAS fat.
WAS. Past tense.
I gained weight because of some pretty intense medical problems that arose from injuries not hamfisting ho-hos.
Read it, cupcake. WAS fat.
There ya go!

PS. I'll roleplay Fisto the Robot for you if you can send me a decent Charon/
XD

Tofu Man · Post by **Tofu Man** » Sun May 15, 2011 3:34 pm

Trauma wrote:some sort of a reply

Eh.

Pros:

- Didn't run home to mommy
- Vaguely coherent
- Survivalist crap fits with some of DaC's populace
- Kept the weekend intelectual faÃ§ade at first glance
- Promise of baked goods is always nice
- No direct insults

Cons:

- No direct insults
- No golf clubs
- ugh "vidya"
- Fallout 3 = Fallout
- Missed opportunity to trash beth
- Horrible taste

Well, colour me intrigued, SDF.

Trauma wrote:PS.

No.

Trauma · Post by **Trauma** » Sun May 15, 2011 3:45 pm

Pros:

- Didn't run home to mommy (My Mommy is in Europe.)
- Vaguely coherent (Haven't slept, less coherent than usual, but thanks.)
- Survivalist crap fits with some of DaC's populace (Bonus.)
- Kept the weekend intelectual faÃ§ade at first glance (No U.)
- Promise of baked goods is always nice (I bake a mean pie too.)
- No direct insults (I don't know you well enough to insult you.)

Cons:

- No direct insults (I'd call you a fat, fap-a-holic, fourteen-year old boy who smells of wee and mommy's basement if it'd make you happy, but alas I do not know you so we both know it'd be devoid of meaning.)
- No golf clubs (And by "golf clubs" you mean Fisto attachments.)
- ugh "vidya" (Yeah, ok. I'll take a bitchslap for that. Willingly.)
- Fallout 3 = Fallout (Fine.)
- Missed opportunity to trash beth (What's the point?)
- Horrible taste (9/10 freaks concur: I have awesome taste.)

Ball.

Yonmanc · Post by **Yonmanc** » Sun May 15, 2011 3:49 pm

Trauma wrote:PS. NV isn't half as good as FO3 and I'm not just saying that because of the lack of vanilla Charon.

Y'know, there's plenty of ways you can lose all of that excess weight you're carrying.

Trauma · Post by **Trauma** » Sun May 15, 2011 3:53 pm

HERPDEDERP Can you read?
I'm not fat anymore.
Passed military fitness tests. DERP.
Normal BMI Derp derp derp.
DDD breasts. Read 'em and weep. HERP.
Christ in a chickenbasket. If this is the non-retarded forum I hate to see what's on the Beth forum! (Wide-eyed wonder?)

Disclaimer: I has not slept and am irritable.
Muffinbaskets all around.

Yeesh!

But seriously I'm laughing so it must not be all that bad.
Or I may be losing my mind due to severe sleep dep (again.)
Wheeeeee!

MadBill · Post by **MadBill** » Sun May 15, 2011 4:39 pm

I LOLed.
We need a :golf clubs: emote.

Yonmanc · Post by **Yonmanc** » Sun May 15, 2011 4:52 pm

Trauma wrote:I'm not fat anymore.

That's debatable.

Trauma wrote:Passed military fitness tests. DERP.