Funny people you met

[Megatron]

About five years ago I was unemployed and had to go to this jobseeker centre thing in the next town over to register for benefits and show I'd been looking for work and that, it was this boring bureaucratic thing where they always put pressure on you to get a job or whatever, anyway; I left and saw this guy outside who was angry about being put on these benefits sanctions they had - cutting your money. I'd met him a few weeks before in a nearby pub and we'd had a chat so I said hello then he suggested we get some beers in and go back to his.

This was already a bit suspicious to me as I'd only met him once and going to his house seemed a bit weird as he was in his late 40s or so - but I also like drinking beer and getting into strange situations so I agreed.

So we go to his house but have to go around the back because his front door is boarded up. Its in this shit terrace estate with loads of empty houses and rubbish everywhere etc. but thats what that towns like. We went around the back through his weed door, and its full of empty bottles of cider, big two litre ones all piled up so it was past your ankles. We wade through this and he has a dog just sat amongst all these plastic bottles and he scolds it then gives it food, I dunno, it keeps wandering around from now in the story and sometimes I rub its head but it also smells bad.

Anyway we went in his living room and its a mess, but theres loads of pictures on the walls and ornaments. On one wall theres this huge shelving unit filled with folders so I go and inspect them as he pours some beers out. They're all labelled with shit like 'UFO sightings' and 'Magic' or just years, so I ask him about it and he starts showing me some of it. He talks about being a combat medic in Afghanistan back in the day, but all the photos he's showing me are children with their limbs blown off or dead bodies and stuff. I'm used to seeing some of that stuff, but then the idea that its this curated set of stuff a person has taken and its in all these labelled photos was a bit odd. He then starts showing me other ornaments on his walls and bits, a lot of it is from wartime and its shit like used bullet casings or bits of medical dressing and stuff. He has an unexploded landmine he had hung up against the wall.

Maybe at this point nowadays I'd have found an excuse to leave, but at the time I thought this guy is interesting. I remember being very curious about the idea that if this is what he displayed, what was underneath all this? What was he about? He was quite friendly and we had a laugh, I appreciated his generosity buying the beers and inviting me back to his house, maybe he was a dude.

We keep drinking and he tells me some war stories, not him fighting or anything, just horrible shit he saw. He had a sword on his wall and some shrapnel he kept in a box that he pulled out of a dead body or something. We keep drinking and he starts to roll a joint with what I'd call it squidgy black, this particular type of resin that was a bit shit and you knew was mixed with rubbish, but it had been a while since I smoked it - anyway, we kept smoking and drinking and end up talking about chess.

I like chess, my dad taught me, I just have fun with it, whatever, I'm not good or anything, I like to play and talk to a person and see how they play. When you're stoned it has this extra dimension thats fun, but in this context it was a bit weird. He'd said he was great at chess but then couldn't lay out the pieces properly, then as we were playing he kept misremembering how moves were made. After a few moves he puts on this Jeffrey Dahmer film on this wee television right next to us, the type that used to have a combined DVD player in the side - anyway its a shit film I was struggling to follow but he had it turned up really loud. So we're playing chess with this really loud horror film on and I start to win. But as I start taking pieces he keeps getting more and more irate.

Obviously at this stage I've started to get a bit anxious about the whole situation, with his dog keep coming up to me for attention whilst this really loud horror film is going on whilst I'm stoned and so on - I didn't feel safe really. I start to try and lose at chess as he is getting a bit angry, but even when I'm losing I keep winning as he's so shit.

Anyway, I'd had enough by then as wondered if he was going to drug and kill me like Dahmer, so I try to leave. He keeps suggesting one last beer, one last joint and so on, so I stay a bit longer but in the meantime have texted a friend where I was in case I went missing and he suggested I leave, so I thought maybe that would be good actually and left. There was no big showdown or dramatic climax sorry. I didn't see him again after.

I was just thinking about it and thought, sheesh! People are funny sometimes. Please share any amusing anecdotes about the characters you've come across.

[Jeff]

Seems like an interesting character, maybe the war did him in. I dunno mang my encounters would seem pretty boring after chess Dahmer and his photo collection of dead children. I usually mind my own business, I don't really care for people I don't know and barely care about the people I do know. Mamma taught me not to talk to strangers, so I don't get invited to places with landmines on the wall.

There was this one time when we were abroad with my buddies, we had been drinking all night and went to the hotel sauna in the morning. It was just us and this guy who called himself Johan. Bald and bearded, maybe 40, seemed like a nice guy. When the others left the sauna to cool off, he started talking about how many women he had fucked, then he started talking about his big dick and then he was complementing my dick, asking if he could touch it a bit. I was weirded out but didn't know what to say so I left the sauna, went to the toilet booth but forgot to lock the door so he followed me in and started jerking off. I just left the booth and fucked off at that point. A bit later my friend who had passed out on the couch in the waiting room told us that Johan had woken him up by licking on his dick, he had had a big boner while sleeping and Johan said "it looked so tasty I just had to lick it up". We were laughing about the possibility of him catching an STD and trying to explain this to his girlfriend. An hour later we went to get my friend divorced and then went back home. Anyway He was a pretty funny guy I guess. Most people are just pretenders and I can't stand it

And this one time I met this huge black trans prostitute called Lola and her pimp who was a white midget, didn't catch his name, but we didn't talk much because I didn't want to buy sex at the time. I thought they were a bizarre team, it was cool

[Megatron]

That sounds like a good pair, like masterblaster and the other one, who's who? w/e

I was just thinking about landmine guy as I was reading about dahmer and (greg lol jk) remembered that film. More recently, I dunno, everyones a bit funny when you get to know them.

[Jeff]

So a few years ago I went camping with my co-workers in this national park, it was spring but there was a lot of snow still. We were sitting around the campfire and relaxxing to the maxx when this guy appeared, he had seen our fire and walked all the way across this frozen lake just to hang out with us I don't know why. He was missing a tooth and a finger and was a funny looking guy overall, he got drunk off our booze and then took some of the guys to look at constellations. Apparently his hobby was arranging some sort of star-gazing blind date events for weirdos like himself. It was a bit awkward hanging out with the guy because most of us had eaten some brownies and were pretty high.

At some point we went to sleep under our tarp, but he didn't have a tent or a tarp or anything, just an inflatable sleeping pad and a sleeping bag. So he was trying to inflate the pad, but he was pretty drunk and couldn't inflate it properly and the ground was a bit sloped so the pad kept sliding across the snow. We could hear him shouting and cursing for a good while, my boss was getting a bit paranoid from the weed so he slept with a knife in his sleeping bag. Eventually one guy from our gang got sick of it and went to help him out, he then settled down and went to sleep.

It snowed quite a lot that night and in the morning he was covered with an inch of snow. Somehow he had gotten a black eye during the night and had lost his eyeglasses so he looked even funnier. He packed up, said goodbye and walked back to wherever he came from across the lake.

[Hyacinth]

Interesting fellow.

Also, fun to imagine a paranoid Finn with a knife in his sleeping bag, but I understand the circumstances, I would probably feel safer with a weapon in those circumstances as well.

[munchkin]

MSG 21 me and my girlfriend were sitting next to two guys in hot dog costumes who had an elaborate dance they seemed to make up to go along with stash and we were a few hits in, needless to say, we got entertainment from these guys the whole show.

[naughtpan]

I have an electromagnetic field that draws funny people to me. I've met so many over-the-top people I'm not sure who the funniest of them all is.

[Megatron]

evil clown

[Hyacinth]

I used to go by that user name on Bohemia Interactive forums but I got banned LMAO

[Hyacinth]

Check it out

https://forums.bohemia.net/forums/topic ... ased-woot/


So Angsty

[munchkin]

Dude, how come you don't go by that name here? Yes, it is awesome having that.

[Hyacinth]

I never used it anywhere else than on that forum before I got banned, then I evolved like a pokemon into something else. Life's about growth.

[Wolfman Walt]

I met Bill Cosby back when I was in college. He was pretty nice. I didn't get raped though.

[Jeff]

I met Bill Cosby back when I was in college. He was pretty nice. I didn't get raped though.

I feel like the best people you meet in life are the ones that necessitate a mention of not getting raped

[Wolfman Walt]

I met Bill Cosby back when I was in college. He was pretty nice. I didn't get raped though.

I feel like the best people you meet in life are the ones that necessitate a mention of not getting raped

It's in my will that anyone who refers to me after my demise has to put in there that I didn't rape them. It's like putting (TM) after a product.