con: Dirk

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Sat Nov 16, 2002 9:37 pm

He took a large drag from the fat joint as he lazily masturbated. It was another monday and Dirk was pretty bored as his job as 'Dirk Dirkenston-Adventurer!'. He coughed and got up, tripping over his dog, dusty.
"Yo dusty"
"Yo Dirk"
The dog rolled over into a pizza, it's line of nipples poking towards dirk. He coulnt resist. He knelt down and took a nice long drink of milk, then he realised his dog was male. He ran to the bathroom, but it was to late. 5 gallons of diarrhea poured around his ankles.

Dirk wandered out into the sunlight, his pale freckled skin shining white in the sun. His crusty boxers cracked open, the various dried liquids dropping onto the floor. He walked towards his car and got in, lighting a large bong and sighing. Suddenly a ghoul poured onto the seat next to him. Dirk looked up in pure mind-numbing studitity and gave a little giggle.
"Wassup homie?" said the puddle. Dirk shrugged and started the old truck. As he drove along and talked to his friend, Drippy, Dirk realised he had a huge boner. But it was to late. Drippy had noticed this to, and what was meant to be his mouth gave a short sigh.
"Why did you leave me Dirk?"
"I don't know Drippy."
"Is it because of our sex life? Do you find me un-attractive?"
Dirk looked away. Drippy gave a little nod.
"I see. Thanks Dirk. Thanks for wasting 10 years of my life!"
Dirk looked back to drippy and saw Drippy hold the pistol to its...thingy. Dirk screamed as the trigger slowly pulled back and a small bullet hit the car-seat.
"You bitch! My car!"
Dirk grabbed his fiance, and squeezed something that looked like a hamburger. The puddle squelched in pain. Dirk never noticed the truck flying towards the funny looking man in the distance.

Billy-bob danced his way along the wasteland, his arms flapping along in the wind. The truck smashed into him, snapping his 2 platinum ribs.
"hyuk hyuk"
Dirk looked up. Drippy was steaming on the engine.
"NOOOO DRIPPPYYY!"
The steam rose up into the black sky, like steam off a puddle.
"Yo wassup can I have your insurants number?"
Billy-bob jiggled along, and dirk looked on in lust. The funny looking boys blue skin shone in the baking sand, his yellow jump-suit hung tightly to his body like the noose around his mothers neck. Dirk licked his lips.
"Hi TWB! I am dirk, explorer and sperm donor!"
"Hi dirk! Im bilylbob and im gonngi 2 save my vault lol?!"
ok

Ghetto goose struggled. The shackles around his neck were strangley comfortable, but the small robot goosing his anus from behind wasn't. He thought.
"SUM 1 SAVE ME I NEED TO MAEK A COMIC SO TEH WERLD CAN LAFF!2F2SAF
lol no said robot and the huge throbbing, vibrating squirrel giggled.
Kreelges huge bushy eyebrows wiggled. In the far distance he thought he could see a...
DIRK! HIS ARCH-NEMESIS!
Dirk suddenly wanged his thingy in kreegles general direction, accidenyl hitting ghetto goose. NOOOO! Britany spars musick blared out of raido and gg escaped wif twb and kreegle didd 2 lol1!11

OMG
It started raining dogs, and dirk looked up in horror. A huge pulsating anus swallowed his head.
I AM HAPLO LOL
Dirk explored the dogs larger intenstine with his tongue. It felt strange...animal-like.

AND DEN THE BOMBS DROPPED!!11
Dirk smashed a patnet into ninjalord and PHEWWF
pizza flew near him!!11

2 BE KRONKIED MANBEU?

Wifi · Post by **Wifi** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 1:48 am

8O I think you are my hero... 8O

Sykotik · Post by **Sykotik** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 2:06 am

Laughing my fucking anus off...

Nice stuff Pyro. Where's the next epi?

Forty-six & Two · Post by **Forty-six & Two** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 3:05 am

Pee-head. I LOOOVE YOU!!! HAAAVE SEX WITH ME!!!!1

Or mayb eat meh cuukies?!1 YesH?

Valdis · Post by **Valdis** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 3:14 am

Forty-six & Two wrote:Pee-head. I LOOOVE YOU!!! HAAAVE SEX WITH ME!!!!1

Or mayb eat meh cuukies?!1 YesH?

FOUR WORDS: Shut the Fuck Up.

Forty-six & Two · Post by **Forty-six & Two** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 3:54 am

Valdis wrote:FOUR WORDS: Shut the Fuck Up.

OH-NOIAMPISSING-MY-PANTS you Are SO Vry threathing with your BIG DICKINMYFACE!!!111 Get IT Awy frum me11 Wanka-ass.!!11 ArGhhHH.

OHNO!!11 Dont touch my bootai! with That!!11 Ohyou ar bing so DiGusting RighT now you sicKo fuckhed!11!!

*puk3s oN y0 sl0ng*

Valdis · Post by **Valdis** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 4:03 am

You should be thrown into the wasteland to rot there for all eternity you simple minded peasant.

That was really intelligent. Yeah, now you're the smartest person ever.

POST SOMETHING SENSIBLE OR COHERRENT

Forty-six & Two · Post by **Forty-six & Two** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 4:08 am

Valdis wrote:You should be thrown into the wasteland to rot there for all eternity you simple minded peasant.

That was really intelligent. Yeah, now you're the smartest person ever.

POST SOMETHING SENSIBLE OR COHERRENT

oH LiaR LIaR PAnTs On Fire!!111

I don be dizzing nobody and you be busting my hump? Eh? Eh? Fuk yo I say! Fuk yo! Yo wana get down with me ey? Yo wana pice 0 meh?? Then coman get it y0 sl0ng pervert mofo!

Hey, cuz im teh reaL SAHDY!!11 Hu, fuk y0 cuz iI beh teh cooler than Eminem eVen then and better!1 Oh yes you ar no MatcH f0 m3 fooo!!1

Valdis · Post by **Valdis** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 4:14 am

U luz. (Oh great, now I'VE become incoherrent)

Forty-six & Two · Post by **Forty-six & Two** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 4:16 am

Valdis wrote:U luz. (Oh great, now I'VE become incoherrent)

I b3h to coo to luz m4n!1 y0 ar n0t evn worty 0 meh beatings!111

**meh slilly slaps y0*

Valdis · Post by **Valdis** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 4:28 am

|\|o, i can tkae ur punmy beati|\|gs~~ ~~~~~~~ io am so 733t in my bashnig skillz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ hahahhha4ha~~~~~ you swil join teh fukn isd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Forty-six & Two · Post by **Forty-six & Two** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 4:34 am

Valdis wrote:|\|o, i can tkae ur punmy beati|\|gs~~ ~~~~~~~ io am so 733t in my bashnig skillz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ hahahhha4ha~~~~~ you swil join teh fukn isd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Ohno now y0 ar scariing mÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â«h!1

*runsandhides*

Wifi · Post by **Wifi** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 5:51 am

Some more of this and you will make a better fic than pyro.

axelgreese · Post by **axelgreese** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 5:59 am

I just crapped my pants

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 6:49 am

HERE IS PART 2 OF THE ADVENTREW OF NELOSON MANDELLA!!!

Dirk sighed, his dick squeezing inside the tight hole. The hamster trembled slightly, as dirks balls shuddered in pleasure. Another hamster crawled from his gaping anus and it has a small beer.

Dirk had discovered the zoo of hard knocks after his mis-adventures of being stuck on the island with the gay dinosaurs. That was after he got hopped up on goofballs and stumbled on the pirate ship. That was just a few days after haplo was removed from his huge bulging head.

Dirk loved his life with the strange monks, and their various animals. He had rubbed against dolphins, fucked his way through the monkey house and enjoyed 6 hours of sex with snakes. His fellow monks didn't mind, their small penises bobbing up and down above his head. He endured this every day, this strange boo-kak-ee ritual. He didn't mind though, and secretly rubbed himself about it in summer nights filled with rodent passion.

Suddenly dirk screamed. OMG WTF? A REALLY BIG NINJA CAME FROM TEH SEA!!!11 "
i have cum 2 kill all the rebels in ZOOLAND!"
omg
dirk sighed and farted, his loose anus flapping around in the wind. MEANWHILE! THE NINJA GOT OUT AKIMBO KATANARS AND UZIS!!1 teh moneks looked worried and got out some tec-9s and mac-11 and stuff. NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THE VIKING COWBOYS! said a monk, getting a hueg magical trible-headed battle dildo from its sheath.

HELP ME!
Laaakistar!1
FÃƒÆ’Ã¢â€šÂ¬LOAP!

THAT IS FINNISH MAGIC said dirk, flipping ninjalord a bird. U CAN NOT DEFEAT SATANICANIVORUS! heil satan!

ninja lord cut down the first munk, his serated blade cutting through his spleen like a knife through air. SHWING! ZING! LOL! dirk screamed, his fireballs being launched from the zombie dimension!

ninjalord ssiw

"/..,.,,.,2"2"""'.,;:

SWISH!
The buzz-saw chainsaw double-magic platinum diamond thingy flew through the air, marrowly nissing dirks foreskin! OMG! dirk screamed and screamed and took a huge dump onto a monkey! LMGAO! ninjalord killed all the other monks with a chainsaw-motorcylce and he looked at dirk. U LOOK 2 HAVE FIRM BUTTOCKS YOUNG BOY! WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME AND LIVE WITH ME WHERE WE CAN SWEAT AND WORK OUT TOGETHER? THIS MAY INVOLVE TAKING SHOWERS AND BEING MY BITCH!!11 lol uh-oh what a homo!

DIRK CRIED! he cried becuz The wastleand was a trivial place, americas big army shadows in time. and stuff PHEAHFGSAFGAS

PEWN!

BAM!

ZING!

PWNED!

YAKKA-PO!

Then it was all over. The winner looked down on his enemys beaten body and started JAXING-OFF lol!

TEH END!

EDIT:NOW I MADE A COMIC TO CHRONICLE THE VARIOUS ADVENTURES OF DIRK
http://www.duckandcover.net/~wasteland/ ... dirk/1.jpg
http://www.duckandcover.net/~wasteland/ ... dirk/2.jpg
http://www.duckandcover.net/~wasteland/ ... dirk/3.jpg
http://www.duckandcover.net/~wasteland/ ... dirk/4.jpg
http://www.duckandcover.net/~wasteland/ ... dirk/5.jpg
http://www.duckandcover.net/~wasteland/ ... dirk/6.jpg
http://www.duckandcover.net/~wasteland/ ... dirk/7.jpg

axelgreese · Post by **axelgreese** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 7:21 am

Clap clap clap. yay yay I am happy! yay

Spazmo · Post by **Spazmo** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 7:23 am

It's like Davide and Toxic Waste Boy rolled into one and made into a text story. Brilliant!

NOW QUIT SLACKING OFF AND MAKE MORE DAVIDE!

Valdis · Post by **Valdis** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 7:24 am

You know, despite what I've said about Pyro in the past-

That was funny.

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 7:55 am

I hope you like teh comic

It's full of thrills, spills and gayness

Forty-six & Two · Post by **Forty-six & Two** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 12:33 pm

Pyro wrote:mis-adventures of being stuck on the island with the gay dinosaurs.

liek dinosurs ar both-sexhed or somfing!11 YUO AR A LIAR!1 OMG!!!!!1

but story fun so i not touch you private places.

Duck and Cover

con: Dirk

con: Dirk

Re: con: Dirk

Re: con: Dirk

Re: con: Dirk