Duck and Cover

Posted: **Wed Feb 09, 2005 11:17 pm**

Heh, that's awesome.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 12:01 am**

Kashluk wrote:Yay, yo, found this comedy goldmine:

HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and f*cks the princess

GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest

THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and f*cks her....... easy and quick

FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess

VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves

DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f*cks the princess and kills her, then leaves

BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess

GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, f*cks the princess and kills her....then he f*cks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, f*cks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f*cks it for the last time (FFS!!!!!!)

DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well

PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist

GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color

INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards

That actually sounds pretty accurate.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 12:17 am**

So basically, metal is always shit?

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 1:45 am**

With the natural exceptions of Ozzy, Sabbath, Iron Maiden, et al.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:34 am**

Nah, leave those in. It's all shit.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 3:39 am**

Paranoid is the best.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 6:02 am**

Subhuman wrote:Nah, leave those in. It's all shit.

Who let you post in this thread?
You like Gwen Stefani you tasteless son of a whore.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 6:09 am**

And you like Leahy.

LEAHY.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 8:43 am**

Look, you both suck. No need to argue here.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 1:22 pm**

Spazmo wrote:With the natural exceptions of Ozzy, Sabbath, Iron Maiden, et al.

They belong to the first group

Except for the Iron Gayden, which has some influences from the third...

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 1:48 pm**

ozzy and black sabbath are literally the same! And Iron Maiden is a bit better. But it's not even metal lol.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:17 pm**

:shock:

Chew on you, you know nothing.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 3:11 pm**

I agree Maiden sucks.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 4:37 pm**

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 5:13 pm**

Now that's scary. And it's not even metal.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 5:54 pm**

his hand is all weird and chit

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 5:57 pm**

Mismatch wrote:

I visit DAC daily to spam, but this really is why I'm staying.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 5:57 pm**

Mismatch wrote:

I visit DAC daily to spam, but this really is why I'm staying.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 9:02 pm**

Stfu and go listen to Enya or something. Metal r0xx0r.

Posted: **Thu Feb 10, 2005 9:04 pm**

FEEL THE ANGER SGT. ANGER!

Duck and Cover

Long live heavy metal