Subhuman's advice corner (featuring Tingel Tangel on drums)

Tingel Tangel · Post by **Tingel Tangel** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 2:51 pm

Dreadnought wrote:
Tingel Tangel wrote:root beats
DJ Tingel Tangel on the turntables?

God, Dreaddy, you must be really tired. Go to bed, hun. We'll still be here for you to throw slurs at in the morning.

Dreadnought · Post by **Dreadnought** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:09 pm

You're tired. No wait, you're tiering.

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:22 pm

OK...heres the issue.....

Girlfriend andi have been together for about 2 years now(don't mind the bad typing...haven't exactly slept)....and we get into the occasional fight which i guess is to be expected. lately she's been really unhappy and down and just everything with life in general, and is deciding we need a break w2hen the relationshi isn't even the problem. she's telling me she might dump me basically because sshe's not happy w/ her life, even though all i want really is to stay w/ her and for this to work out. so...not sure wtf to do...losing her will NOT be good for me for a large number of reasons. and i know everyones just goign to say 'just go on the break and see what happens'...so any OTHER advice would be welcome. as well as advice of ways to pass the time.

Edit: and i don't have the money for recreational drugs...at least not right now. so thats not an option really either.

Tingel Tangel · Post by **Tingel Tangel** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:28 pm

She might actually be looking to you for support by asking for the complete opposite. If she feels her life is one big rut right now, you telling her bluntly that you'll hear no talk of losing her and that you'll stick by her and show her that life is okay and that you're there for her might be exactly what she wants. It's a cunty way to ask for that kind of reassurement, but us women are cunty bitches, mostly. So it might actually be a sign for you to take up the fight and keep saying 'baby, I love you and I'll get you through this.'

Though, keep in mind, I keep saying -might-.
There is also, sadly, a big chance that she's really just in such a rut with everything else that she can't really overcome the prospect of having to sort of 'deal' with being in a relationship. But if it's that, she needs more help than some internet advice can provide her.

I'd advice you to take her by the hands and look into her eyes and very softly ask if she sees your relationship as a positive thing in her life or as a part of what's bringing her down. If she says positive, then you tell her that you're not willing to accept being broken up with and that you want to help her through anything. If she does say negative, then it's probably not worth trying to fight for.

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:54 pm

thats basically what i've been doing...oh and by break i mean she wont see or talk to me until she's done 're-evaluating the relationship'. she's even acknowledged how much i've done for her... and says thats the main reason she won't just end it is because of how much i'm trying to help her out.

and trust me, its NOT that she wants to hear me fight for it...she isn't like that, which is one of the reasons i'm with her.

Dreadnought · Post by **Dreadnought** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 5:55 pm

Caleb wrote:thats basically what i've been doing...oh and by break i mean she wont see or talk to me until she's done 're-evaluating the relationship'. she's even acknowledged how much i've done for her... and says thats the main reason she won't just end it is because of how much i'm trying to help her out.

and trust me, its NOT that she wants to hear me fight for it...she isn't like that, which is one of the reasons i'm with her.

So she goes for losers and regrets it afterwards? Wow... you're boned mate.

sarge112 · Post by **sarge112** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:01 pm

Changing pic FTL

Thor Kaufman · Post by **Thor Kaufman** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:06 pm

Don't take her shit, dump her and move on.

Dreadnought · Post by **Dreadnought** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:16 pm

Yeah don't fight. If you're worth it, she'll be crawling back. If you're not worth it... well... then you can be happy you didn't fight, because it would have been an utter waste of time.

johnnygothisgun · Post by **johnnygothisgun** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:20 pm

tingel, why are women so awful sometimes

Tingel Tangel · Post by **Tingel Tangel** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:22 pm

Because we're hormonal and fucked up, for the most part. We often try not to be, but really, I've never met a woman who wasn't, at some point, a bitch.

johnnygothisgun · Post by **johnnygothisgun** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:36 pm

oh. im sorry to hear that

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 6:39 pm

she's worth it..dear god she is worth it. and i'm hoping she stays...

edit: i'm hopin this jsut blows over...its happened before, but this is the first time its been truly serious. and hey,i get a lot less shit like this than most girls give their guys i'm sure.

St. Toxic · Post by **St. Toxic** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:03 pm

Flat out tell her that you're gay and have been meeting someone with similar interests on the internet. That'll perk her right up. She just needs a lost cause to fight for.

Edit: Now that I think about it, one of my first relationships ended in the way you describe. She was pretty cloak and dagger about it, but eventually I found that she'd simply got her vulture eyes on some other poor sap, and all that life re-evaluation and time apart bullshit was just her way of saying "I'm bored with your sorry ass". Might be it in this case as well.

Caleb wrote:she's worth it..dear god she is worth it. and i'm hoping she stays...

Yeah, upon closer re-evaluation my estimate is that you're fried. You probably told her as much as that when the crisis came, and while she appretiated the sentiment I'm sure she stonewalled your ass. Time to flip the strat 180, mango.

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:27 pm

A bit more complicated than that...so we'll see what happens...

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Mon Nov 05, 2007 1:58 am

St. Toxic wrote:Now that I think about it, one of my first relationships ended in the way you describe. She was pretty cloak and dagger about it, but eventually I found that she'd simply got her vulture eyes on some other poor sap, and all that life re-evaluation and time apart bullshit was just her way of saying "I'm bored with your sorry ass". Might be it in this case as well.

"Might be"? This girl definitely sounds checked out of the relationship. She needs therapy to deal with her depression, and once she gets her head sorted out she may realize that she had a good thing going with you and take you back. But the "we need a break" line is almost always a red flag that your partner is bored with you and doesn't have the heart/guts to put it so plainly. Come on, no contact whatsoever with her while she "re-evaluates the relationship"? She's re-evaluating her man candy options, is what she's re-evaluating.

Caleb wrote:she's even acknowledged how much i've done for her... and says thats the main reason she won't just end it is because of how much i'm trying to help her out.

Eeeeexactly. She feels too guilty to drop you like a sack of potatoes after all you've done for her, but it's clearly what she wants.

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Mon Nov 05, 2007 2:54 am

The sex isn't lacking at all. and she ain't bored, more like stressed and pulled too thin w/ school and work...not sure i can buy the bored part :/...but i'll see if i can figure it out

cazsim83 · Post by **cazsim83** » Mon Nov 05, 2007 3:16 am

Long shot here, but maybe since you spend so much time with school and work, she wants to know she's still important in your life, and wants you to chase her a bit, or show some ... drive, ambition...can't think of the right word here, but wants you to show some oomph in chasing after her/showing her she's important. Do you leave her love notes or surprise her with shit (i.e. - flowers, card, etc) for no reason at all? Girls eat that up.

p.s. - Just roll the dice on this one and hope it doesn't come up snake eyes

sarge112 · Post by **sarge112** » Mon Nov 05, 2007 3:23 am

Or box cars, if you're doing it that way

Caleb · Post by **Caleb** » Mon Nov 05, 2007 3:47 am

cazsim83 wrote:Long shot here, but maybe since you spend so much time with school and work, she wants to know she's still important in your life, and wants you to chase her a bit, or show some ... drive, ambition...can't think of the right word here, but wants you to show some oomph in chasing after her/showing her she's important. Do you leave her love notes or surprise her with shit (i.e. - flowers, card, etc) for no reason at all? Girls eat that up.

p.s. - Just roll the dice on this one and hope it doesn't come up snake eyes

no dude...SHE'S the one stressed w/ all that. for some reason in my life i always end up w/ plenty of free time.