I religiously have my urine massaged into my skin each day. For reasons of biological health and spiritual growth. No.
I do, however, intend to flay the skin of fifty virgins, stitch their remains into a cloak or poncho of some sort, and inherent the powers of the gods upon the steps of a long forgotten, out of the way temple in deepest, darkest Borneo when I reach the age of 25.
I will then use my newly bolstered omniscience and omnipotence to kill all children's entertainers, politicians, telemarketeers and
all representatives of the so called medical professions - no death shall be repeated. I will change the boiling oceans unto fluorescent orange tonic water. The fish shall achieve sentience and be my ministers. Vegetarians who maintain eating fish is entirely different to consuming any other species will be instantly changed unto a pillar of calcified offal that with the exception of normal movement and tactile considerations, will retain all characteristics of the individual in question. Any who dare even entertain thoughts of consuming fish will be subject to instantaneous, irrevocable and ultimately lethal prolapsed bowels. I will revise all telephone numbers every four minutes in accordance with a unique, infinite cipher, whose mysteries all but I shall be ignorant of. I shall turn coffee unto arsenic. I will alter the shape of this world unto a rhombicosidodechahedron as a kindness to gravity, who until that time has experienced a woefully monotonous existence. I will speed the movement of this world through the heavens, each day shall be a year, and as a playful exercise in temporal mechanics, each year shall be a week, and each week a day. I will abolish facial expressions on pain of instantaneous and irrevocable exploding circulatory systems. Nudism will be compulsory. Ritualistic cannibalism will be compulsory. As everything, this manifesto will be subject to change and revision at any point, for any reason (or none at all).
You have five years. Thank you.
