The Thread Of Jokes

TNP · Post by **TNP** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:52 pm

Why did the condom fly across the room?

He was pissed off.

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:06 pm

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?

They both come on little crackers.

Antimeasure · Post by **Antimeasure** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:07 pm

Here's one:

Q: Why did the Thread Of Jokes fail?
A: Because TNP joined in.

-

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...
"My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

TNP · Post by **TNP** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:29 pm

Antimeasure is just jealous of my funny jokes

Antimeasure · Post by **Antimeasure** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:38 pm

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket and gets in line to pay for everything. she sets her items down on the conveyer while a drunk man watches her intently. She places on the belt the following items in this order:
- Half-gallon of 1% Milk
- A dozen eggs
- Carton of Orange Juice
- Head of lettuce
- Large coffee can
- Large package of bacon

The drunk says to her after she's done placing the items on the belt "You must be single."

The woman looks at her items and sees nothing special about the quantity or selection of her food. She looks at him with a slight twinge of interest and asks him "As a matter of fact I am, but how in the world could you tell that I was single, just from watching me put my food on the conveyer?"

The drunk looks at her, swaying just a little bit and says "'Cause your ugly."

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:55 am

Best joke ever.

TNP · Post by **TNP** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:41 am

What do women and hurricanes have in common?

They'll blow you then take the house.

TNP · Post by **TNP** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 11:47 am

Why should swell guy children not play in a sandbox?

Because cats will try to bury them.

PsychoSniper · Post by **PsychoSniper** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:19 pm

WHen ...........

A redneck says 'hey watch this'
A 2nd Lt says I have an Idea
A Pvt says 'in my experince
A Veteran says 'watch this shit'

Its time to run.

POOPERSCOOPER · Post by **POOPERSCOOPER** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 6:00 am

What does a police man say to a black guy covered in bullet holes?

Worst case of suicide i've ever seen.

Ya, thats about the only joke I know of.

Frater Perdurabo · Post by **Frater Perdurabo** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:50 am

TNP wrote:What do women and hurricanes have in common?

They'll blow you then take the house.

This is the one that I've heard:
What do women and hurricanes have in common?
When they first come, they are wet and wild, and when they leave, they take your house and car.

TelemachusSneezed · Post by **TelemachusSneezed** » Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:29 am

A Catholic priest, an Evangelical preacher, and a Rabbi are meeting in the middle of a forest. They strike up a bet to see who is talented enough to convert a bear to their religion. After three days they meet again, and the priest and preacher are both fine, but the Rabbi is in a full-body cast.

The priest said: "I blessed the bear with holy water and read it the Catechism, and in an hour I had convinced it to come to Church every week." The preacher said: "I wrestled that bear to the ground, and drug it to the river to be baptised. And when we were through, we knelt and praised God for the rest of the day."

Then the priest and preacher both looked at the Rabbi and asked: "What happened?"

He answered: "Well... I'll admit that circumcision was not the smartest first move, but..."

PsychoSniper · Post by **PsychoSniper** » Mon Feb 05, 2007 10:22 am

TelemachusSneezed wrote:A Catholic priest, an Evangelical preacher, and a Rabbi are meeting in the middle of a forest. They strike up a bet to see who is talented enough to convert a bear to their religion. After three days they meet again, and the priest and preacher are both fine, but the Rabbi is in a full-body cast.

The priest said: "I blessed the bear with holy water and read it the Catechism, and in an hour I had convinced it to come to Church every week." The preacher said: "I wrestled that bear to the ground, and drug it to the river to be baptised. And when we were through, we knelt and praised God for the rest of the day."

Then the priest and preacher both looked at the Rabbi and asked: "What happened?"

He answered: "Well... I'll admit that circumcision was not the smartest first move, but..."

ROFL.

What does a white owl say to a black owl ?
Who? Who? Who?
What does a black owl say to a white owl ?
WhoDat! WhoDat! WhoDat!

Stainless · Post by **Stainless** » Mon Feb 05, 2007 5:15 pm

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
LETS ALL GO RIDE BIKES!!!!!

Post by **Dogmeatlives** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:05 am

ADD isn't a mental condition, it's a way of life!!!

TNP · Post by **TNP** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:27 am

Dogmeatlives wrote:ADD isn't a mental condition, it's a way of life!!!

yessiribob

TNP · Post by **TNP** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:32 am

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dreadnought · Post by **Dreadnought** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:33 am

Dogmeatlives wrote:ADD isn't a mental condition, it's a way of life!!!

You could say the same about CPPS.

Edit:

(However CPPS ain't no mental condition, it's a Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome. One of the big mysteries of Urology!)

TNP · Post by **TNP** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 7:41 am

Dreadnought wrote:(However CPPS ain't no mental condition, it's a Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome. One of the big mysteries of Urology!)

I kick Dreadnought in the balls, he gets CPPS. Whats so mysterious about that?

What is the difference between a priest and a swell guy?

The way they say ahhhh-men.

Dreadnought · Post by **Dreadnought** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 9:39 am

But when you kick me in the balls it's PAIN CAUSED BY A KICK. Also, it's not a chronic condition. It called chronic after 6 month. There's no bacterial infection and shit like that in most cases of CPPS.

YES! I HAVE A UROLOGIST IN MY FAMILY! THAT'S WHY I KNOW THAT! (before you ask further stupid questions)