I'm going to get flamed for this, but...

Fez · Post by **Fez** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:01 am

If everyone thought like men, it'd all be a whole lot simpler.

St. Toxic · Post by **St. Toxic** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:20 am

I've been trying to get a beer gut for the past 8 months, and let me tell you, its hard work.
The amount of fat I have to get into my diet is a Mission: Impossible gone bad, breaking logic and economy, leaving me without friends etc.
You go to a store nowadays, the only high-fat products you'll find are the ones that taste like shit, some turkeypaste the clerk found while excavating Treblinka, on his last retard holiday trip with the missus'.
Everything else; 'Now with 25% less fat', 'Hey! This product doesent have any fat at all!', so all I can do is drink kegs of beer, remove all exercise from my daily routine and eat pure junk, and I can't say its all sunshine and butterflies.

Even at slightest success, the gut barely lasts 2 weeks, and thats just annoying.
I'll have the gut when I go to bed, and WHAM!, wake up slim, musclebound and gutless, like some victim of a horror movie curse.
I mean, fine, it might be the nicotine or something, people say its slimming, but I'm just not giving that up. I'll wait.

And yeah, chicks that go for looks are completely relieved of good taste, personality and usually truckloads of essential qualities.
I mean, for gods sake, we're human males; we can't look good, thats plain fact. I don't know, shallow homosexuals might get some special thing going, but we cant.
Our female counterpart is influenced by smell, sound, proficiency and month o' the year, only male beings ( or natural sexshifters ) are attracted to shapes.

the guardian · Post by **the guardian** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:40 am

Eat just-came-out-of-the-oven homemade cakes and bread. It's usually packed with butter, is quite insanely tasty, and can be easily consumed in great volumes.

St. Toxic · Post by **St. Toxic** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:48 am

What do I look like? A bakery?

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:51 am

the guardian wrote:Maybe you've got a fucked up personality and people just can't relate to your joy of children eviscerating.

Fixed.

EPIPHANY !!

Silence is key.

I shall now pick up so many chicks to the point of lethal exacerbation of my heart of heart issues. I anticipate much rejoicing.

True and wise, why did Feelings Online go away, again ? TG could easily facilitate the role of a relationships therapist, with his dead pan delivery and clever appraisal of weepy, fragile situations. The objectivity simply pours off your posts, TG. It does. Couldn't he ? COULDN'T YOU ?

Fez wrote:If everyone thought like men, it'd all be a whole lot simpler.

Simpler, and also extremely unfulfilling.

St. Toxic wrote:Our female counterpart is influenced by smell, sound, proficiency and month o' the year, only male beings ( or natural sexshifters ) are attracted to shapes.

Very true. Not much worse than being knocked back due to NOT SMELLING AS AN ALPHA MALE TYPE SHOULD.

Also, eat animal fat (the sort you can purchase in huge tins that really awful 'restaurants' use to 'cook' their 'food').

Fez · Post by **Fez** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:06 am

Drinking Guinness will help make you a fat bastard. Eat as much greasy fast food as you can too. One advantage is that if you stay active while you are piling on the weight you'll be pretty strong. Don't become the weak couch potato fatty, aim for becoming the fat strong-as-a-bear type. Then you can become a wrestler and become known as "crazy joe" in a local bar. Maybe a part time bouncer/thug.

Blargh · Post by **Blargh** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:14 am

Guinness is about as fattening as subsisting on anorexic gnats.

Artkill · Post by **Artkill** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:48 am

That is what I first came to a conclusion, but she has turned down every guy who has ever asked her out, and her friends told me that she really doesn't date. She doesn't want to date until she goes to college because she thinks highschool relationships are pointless.

S4ur0n27 · Post by **S4ur0n27** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:54 am

MAYBE SHE IS GAY LOL

Artkill · Post by **Artkill** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:54 am

Haha, I considered that as well. But she is neither gay.

boywoos · Post by **boywoos** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:03 am

Mebbe you're gay?

Artkill · Post by **Artkill** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:15 am

Ouch, that was an incredible insult. How does he do it folks?

the guardian · Post by **the guardian** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:33 am

Blargh, lost in your idiologism, I couldn't decide if you're blatantly making fun of me, or wholly endorsing me for a job I'm more than disqualified to do. I'd rather edit people randomly.

Artkill wrote:she has turned down every guy who has ever asked her out

What makes you think she's not gay?

and her friends told me that she really doesn't date.

But does she fuck? Is this woman a complete frigid? A fleshy robot that follows the human guidelines of life?

She doesn't want to date until she goes to college because she thinks highschool relationships are pointless.

Then this woman wants an impotent guy. I'm just running into conclusions here, but I'm guessing the difference between a highschool relationship and a "grown up" relationship is that the guy doesn't think about sex all the time and is more "emotionally develop", ie can't get it hard anymore.

Artkill · Post by **Artkill** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:52 am

Me and her have drank and smoked together plenty of time, it's just the fact that she is afraid to trust someone and allow herself to be hurt because she knows that pretty much all highschool relationships don't work out.

I don't agree with her beliefs, and I wish I could change her but I can't and that's that.

Edit: and yes, she does fuck

S4ur0n27 · Post by **S4ur0n27** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:09 am

How can you love someone you'd like to change?

Fez · Post by **Fez** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:18 am

Just slip some rohypnol into her drink and you can release some of that tension building up.

Artkill · Post by **Artkill** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:37 am

Sauron, it's not her personality i wish to change, or her looks. She is the most beautiful person i've ever met, inside and out. It's her dating beliefs i wish to change

atoga · Post by **atoga** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:48 am

She drinks, smokes, and fucks -- so just follow her around for regular drinking, smoking, and fucking? There's your relationship right there.

Fez · Post by **Fez** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:21 am

Indeed, you don't need all the flirty grab-ass games if you've got that.

Redeye · Post by **Redeye** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:46 am

atoga wrote:She drinks, smokes, and fucks -- so just follow her around for regular drinking, smoking, and fucking? There's your relationship right there.

Perfect!
The dating thing is just a pantomime of a Victorian courtship ritual.
Possibly fun if you make an art out of it.

Anyway, my question is: does she share your love of puppy torching.