The Mangled Penis Thread

Jeff · Post by **Jeff** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 11:22 am

Dear billy boy, I think your friend is a fucking asshole and her mother a twat.
The sister's cool though

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 11:25 am

yea you should circumcise her, mabye get some engineers to do it with paper-cuts from a dilbert annual.

Anyway, keep us updated. Otherwise:bey for a while? Since you're going to be bumming around for a few months, good luck mate.

looks like schlitze the pinhead OMG

Ozrat · Post by **Ozrat** » Sun Nov 30, 2003 8:22 pm

I'd firstly like to say that yes, having a foreskin is definitely lightyears better than being less than complete down there. I'm just glad that my parents also strayed from the lunatic religious path and kept me whole.

And c'mon, what's so fucking hard about cleaning about a few extra square centimeters of skin? Jesus, some people will believe almost anything just to think that whatever they had to do for their religion is somehow better in the long run. :roll: Don't feel so hot now, eh? :badgrin:

This is from my daily planner that I got from the engineering faculty from my school...

Cereal legend Dr. John Harvey Kellogg not only was celibate despite being married, he also strongly advocated abstinence to esnure good health. Also tops on his list of no-no's was masturbation. Thankfully, he wrote a book detailing the 39 signs for detection of "the secret vice of self-abuse," which included having round shoulders, eating clay and having acne.

And Bill? WTF are you still doing here when you should be looking for a new place? Go out there, move out, and call the sister over for a welcoming bang to start off on the right foot. Oh, and call the family immediately afterwards to thank 'em for raising such a good cocksucker. I honestly don't believe that the school is going to put her, an adult on a lockdown like that. Fucking lunatics. I wouldn't be suprised if your friend got dickwhacked himself as a poor newborn baby. Or yourself, for that matter. Just answer the damn question already.

bloodbathmaster2 · Post by **bloodbathmaster2** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:05 am

It's threads like this that make me miss the wasteland, where it wouldn't rape by virgin(TM) eyes.

Nightkin244 · Post by **Nightkin244** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:14 am

PWNED!!!!

Franz Schubert · Post by **Franz Schubert** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:47 am

He thought self-stimulation would lead to leprosy, tuberculosis, heart disease, epilepsy, dimness of vision, insanity, idiocy and death. He also warned it would bring out bashfulness in some people, unnatural boldness in others, a fondness for spicy foods, round shoulders and acne.

Seems like fairly sound inductive reasoning to me.

He asks a leper, or a heart disease patient, or an epileptic person, or someone with acne if they masterbate, and they say yes....

He doesn't seem to get that a square is a rectangle, but a rectangle isn't a square.

Radoteur · Post by **Radoteur** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 10:20 am

Sorry to bring this up so late.

Menno, when your girlfriend asked you to get a circumcision, you should have told her about the part of the Bible where it says no sex before marriage. The no sex bit is unequivocal, whereas the circumcision bit a bit more iffy.
Of course, you'd have to do this real nice like, because shouting matches are no fun.
Sheesh, she doesn't sound like she knows Christianity, though. Or maybe she knows and doesn't care. Or maybe she somehow interpreted the Bible as saying that premartial sex is ok. Hmm... if she did, I really want to know. I've been looking for loopholes for a while now.

Franz Schubert · Post by **Franz Schubert** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:00 am

Radoteur wrote:I've been looking for loopholes for a while now.

I've been ignoring religion entirely for a while now.

Menno · Post by **Menno** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:02 am

Radoteur wrote:Sorry to bring this up so late.

Menno, when your girlfriend asked you to get a circumcision, you should have told her about the part of the Bible where it says no sex before marriage. The no sex bit is unequivocal, whereas the circumcision bit a bit more iffy.

Of course, you'd have to do this real nice like, because shouting matches are no fun.

Sheesh, she doesn't sound like she knows Christianity, though. Or maybe she knows and doesn't care. Or maybe she somehow interpreted the Bible as saying that premartial sex is ok. Hmm... if she did, I really want to know. I've been looking for loopholes for a while now.

Haha, she doesn't know jackshit about Christianity, she just thinks she does because she attends church. But when you love someone and they're very attractive, you tend to overlook such stupidity...err qualities.

She was just kidding about the circumcision bit just to get a reaction out of me though. The loophole she used to sleep with me was after I proposed to her, though I initially was under the impression she was waiting for marriage. I guess in her mind the "process" of moving to marriage was good enough. Haha, so you could say I was pleasantly surprised. But she's a great girl, I would have honestly waited until she was ready. But I'm not like Julius Caeser, when she offered the "crown" I didn't reject it, but took it.

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:17 am

Menno wrote:But I'm not like Julius Caeser, when she offered the "crown" I didn't reject it, but took it.

Well, fortunately for you, it wasn't you getting..."stabbed", either.

OTB

Menno · Post by **Menno** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:18 am

OnTheBounce wrote:
Menno wrote:But I'm not like Julius Caeser, when she offered the "crown" I didn't reject it, but took it.
Well, fortunately for you, it wasn't you getting..."stabbed", either.

OTB

Hahaha, yeah your right. I just need to remind myself not to make my wedding date set for March 15th. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a relative who wanted to gut me.

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:21 am

Menno wrote:Hahaha, yeah your right. I just need to remind myself not to make my wedding date set for March 15th. I wouldn't be surprised if she had a relative who wanted to gut me.

Well, since I'm what passes for an old man on this board, here it goes:

"Beware the ides of March, Menno! Beware the ides of March!"

OTB

Menno · Post by **Menno** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:28 am

OnTheBounce wrote:Well, since I'm what passes for an old man on this board, here it goes:

"Beware the ides of March, Menno! Beware the ides of March!"

OTB

[after hearing your warning]

"What man is that? "

"Set him before me; let me see his face."

"What say'st thou to me now? speak once again."

"He is a dreamer; let us leave him"
--------------------------------------------------

If only her relatives were as easy to get rid of! Luckily her dad is my biggest supporter (her mom hates me for some odd reason, probably because I'm not religious), since he's been in the military for almost 34 fucking years, and his real son is a "excercise instructor" (aka=Fruit) so I guess he considers me the son he hasn't had.

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:31 am

Touche, Menno! Touche!

(All I want for Xmas is an international keyboard...)

OTB

Menno · Post by **Menno** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:37 am

http://www.fentek-ind.com/lang.htm

There ya go. We should all chip in a buck using Paypal to get OTB his international keyboard for Christmas. Let's see how many of these hardcore communists/socialists who are so eager to distribute funds to everyone would actually donate.

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 11:51 am

Menno wrote:Luckily her dad is my biggest supporter...since he's been in the military for almost fucking 34 years...I guess he considers me the son he hasn't had.

Gee, you'd think that after 34 years he'd get the picture of what soldiers are like.

I know what you mean, though. While there are some people that don't want you near their daughters if you've worn a uniform, quite a few people will give you practically unlimited license for it.

Menno wrote:Let's see how many of these hardcore communists/socialists who are so eager to distribute funds to everyone would actually donate.

What, are you in the mood to hear crickets chirping?

I've had my eye on that Fentek site for a while. I just don't have cash to get a German keyboard right now. (Even if it does mean trying to retrain almost 17 years of typing habits.) Of course, I could have put the money I just sent to amazon.com for King Rat and a DVD w/two Hedy Lamarr movies in a shoebox or something...

OTB

Menno · Post by **Menno** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:09 pm

OnTheBounce wrote:Gee, you'd think that after 34 years he'd get the picture of what soldiers are like.

I know what you mean, though. While there are some people that don't want you near their daughters if you've worn a uniform, quite a few people will give you practically unlimited license for it.

OTB

Haha, I know, tell me about it. My last girlfriend was half-hispanic, and her father always gave me dirty looks because of Vieques, as if I'm to blame for that (disregarding the fact that I'm in a completely different branch). I think my current girlfriend's father likes me for the fact that I haven't taken advantage of his daughter (well, aside from "that", but it was consensual and unpressured) after a period of a year and a half, since she can be pretty gullible and naive.

Anyway, you could buy one of those keyboard mats and place it over your keyboard, though I admit that would probably look a bit goofy. Speaking of movies, I'm so glad the Laserdisc format died out; I must have spent hundreds over several years buying discs, only to find out they release a DVD format (and at a cheaper price), makes holiday shopping much easier on the wallet; I still have nightmares of spending around $140 dollars for the Star Wars Trilogy boxed set (though it did look cool).

Franz Schubert · Post by **Franz Schubert** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:09 pm

wtf Menno? I think there's only a few communist/socialists on this board, and they're generally either A) confused psychos (Mandalorian/sauron) or

angsty nihilists (neon). Haven't we argued communism enough? Here's an official compromise:

Socialism has many positive sides to it, but it hasn't worked yet, and isn't likely to work any time soon and let's be honest folks, in the face of social darwinism it just simply has too many flaws because people are greedy and greed makes the the world go 'round plus it enables capitalist markets to succeed.

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 12:49 pm

Menno wrote:Haha, I know, tell me about it. My last girlfriend was half-hispanic, and her father always gave me dirty looks because of Vieques, as if I'm to blame for that (disregarding the fact that I'm in a completely different branch).

:hehe: You should've told him you were in the 3rd ACR and were proud of your unit's having stormed Chapultapec during the Mexican-American War. (Guarantied to go over really well...or not.)

Menno wrote:Anyway, you could buy one of those keyboard mats and place it over your keyboard, though I admit that would probably look a bit goofy.

You have to dl software from then in order for that to work. The software and the matt all told are about as expensive as the keyboard itself.

Menno wrote:Speaking of movies, I'm so glad the Laserdisc format died out; I must have spent hundreds over several years buying discs, only to find out they release a DVD format (and at a cheaper price), makes holiday shopping much easier on the wallet; I still have nightmares of spending around $140 dollars for the Star Wars Trilogy boxed set (though it did look cool).

True, they were expensive, but now you can often get them pretty damned cheaply since no one really wants 'em. Whenever I'm active on eBay I keep an eye out for great deals on old Criterion Laser Discs, which are out of print these days. There's lots of films that Criterion put out on LD that they haven't on DVD yet, like the '33 version of King Kong.

I don't know about you, but I have no plans of scrapping my LD player any time soon.

I do regret not having picked up Criterion's Robocop LD a few years back. But at the time I really couldn't see spending $120.00 for one flick. (Even if it did contain all of the footage they had to cut to get it down to an R rating...) But like Mark Twain said, you are more likely to regret the things you didn't do rather than the things you did...

trythebill wrote:you are underestimating the familiarity in their voices. i did most of the talking all she said was "oh" "i didn't know that" and things along those lines.

Note to self: Do not get involved with woman who sounds like her mother on the phone.

Edit:

Franz_Schubert wrote:wtf Menno? I think there's only a few communist/socialists on this board, and they're generally either A) confused psychos (Mandalorian/sauron) or angsty nihilists (neon). Haven't we argued communism enough?

In my experience most of the people on both sides of that debate don't know what they're talking about (and not just here on DaC). Any "real" communist would realize he's no communist at all since it's a state that socialism is supposed to evolve into after that form of gov't is so ingrained that gov't isn't even really necessary anymore. Then there's the commie-/witch-hunters who freak out at even the slightest hint of trying to redistribute income/property and who have utopian views based on misinterpretations of Adam Smith's "Invisible Hand" (while conveniently forgetting his "Invisible Boot").

OTB

OnTheBounce · Post by **OnTheBounce** » Mon Dec 01, 2003 1:13 pm

Franz_Schubert wrote:Or in a more realistic, cynical view: Most commie-witch-hunters don't understand the economic or social ramnifications of the whole debate and simply parrot the grumbling and complaining of their old man when they bitch about the "damn communists"

Yeah, giving some people credit for half-remembering things from high school economics is giving too much credit, methinks.

OTB