Duck and Cover

Lets make a list of games not to buy ever. Even if they're being given away.

1. Big Red Racing - I got this game when it came out because it was supposed to have amazing Direct-X graphics and physics. A surreal racing experience that will blow one's mind. Boy, that box and review site lied. It might as well have been called "Big Red Pixelated Geometric Shape Racing" Luckily I had purchased Hi-Octane a few weeks earilier, and MegaRace had come free in the mail. Both of those games murdered BRR.

2. The Addams Family - NES. I went to a party one night when I was 9. My friend got this for his birthday. We played for about 3 hours before becoming violently angry with life. It's like a platform game with a bunch of mini-games. But everything about everything in the game sucks. Ugly brown graphics, lame mini-games, and the platform section could be beaten by 9 year olds in about 2 hours.

Malkari : Some space strategy game, on paper it sounds like mad stuff, but it ends up being chit, it's totally unplayable and complicated.

I can't think of more right now, but it's gonna come.

Messiah - just . . terrible. The only enjoyment obtained involved pinning prostitute nuns to walls with the famed Rocket Propelled Harpoon Gun and watching them squirm and whimper for a few seconds. That was worthy of a chuckle, but so fleeting. I loathe jumpy-jumpy-jumpy-die ! games. There was no plot, the 'plot' was a loosely defined string of plot-holes. I uninstalled it in disgust after about 1 hour of 'play'.

I vaguely recall enjoying Bid Red Racing, 'twas amusing in a rather awful way. Certainly not a 'great game', but amusing nonetheless. In the vein of ' I JSUT KETP CRAHSGIN AHAHAHA !11 LETZ INJEKT HEYROIN INTA AR EYEZ !!11 OH K LEWL ! ' . . .

Can't recall any glaring omissions on my part at the time, that's probably wrong though.

Big Red racing was amazing 'cause of hovers and boats and splitscreen. But i never really had a box for it(hint, hint).

Crazy Ivan for PS - looked the dog's danglies of a Mecha shoot 'em until you realise that only possible winning tactic is shoot rocket > side step to dodge incomming rocket > side step > shoot particle beam > side step ad infinitum > victory.

Arcanum - too many Fed-Ex quests and the combat and experience point systems meant having a Technological player character made progressing through the game WAY more difficult than it was for a Magical PC.

-Pilotwings 64. God I hated that game.

-Lionheart. less said, the better.

Oh yeah, FOBOS and Perfect Dark.

Final Fantasy 8. There needs a bitchslap option to smack the silly shit out of Squall when he brings up his teen angst bullshit.

Sentient for the Playstation. It was basically Myst with a timer, and if time runs out, bang, you are so dead.

Its kind hard to think of many shitty games that I havent forgotten about

Probably Donkey Kong 64- The game had you collect 100 bannanas to win and had lame ass puzzles. It was basically just an easter egg hunt so the game could last longer. It was the last straight platformer game I ever got, i think, because I hate(or just suck) at doing fancy jumps and pretty much all of the platformers at the time were treasure hunts.

Tenku Force (or something like that) - A horrible fps for the psx. Words cannot describe its awfulness.

HL1 was aweful.

Deathtrap Dungeon, I fucking hated that game.

Xenosaga was really over-rated as well.

FFX

FFXI.

FFx, where x is any number in |R.

FF[insert number here].

I hate you, Spazmo.

I hate me too.

Oh Yeah! FFX, and FFX-2, and practically any jRPG which doesn't stray away far from it's jRPGness.

FF7 and FFT > you