The movie starts with some shitty credits. The credits are pretty bad, okay. The font is just, terrible. And all the way through it you hear this dialouge that took me all of the credits to realize what they were saying, anyway it was some terrorist shit about being a martyrrryaafarrt. And now the real life movie!
The scene is set in good ol' Amsterdam. Terrorist girl drops her purse and then shoots some guards transporting precious jewels. She then walks away while another guard is shooting at her, but all he manages to do is blow up a car and the terrorists escape. At this point I was already sort of regretting watching the movie, as terrorists don't steal diamonds and the car bit was dumb, but anyway I kept watching it because Steven Seagal hadn't appeared yet.
Now we're in Utah and some doctor gets knocked out and his badge is stolen. Seagal then appears and says something about how a member of his team must be a great hacker. She copies and pastes a picture of Seagal over the doctor's ID and prints it off. Seagal is amazed that the numbers match and everything. Seagal has let himself go a bit again, but I guess he hadn't really let himself go properly since the 80's. Cest la Vais as the french say! Seagal is also speaking like some sort of mix between a gangsta and a hippy, man!
Anyway he breaks some guy out of hospital prison and karate chops a guard in the neck. Some other boring shit happens and we find out Seagal is ex-CIA operative Johnathan Cold, expert at martial arts, marksmanship and nuculuh weapons! The CIA are photographing this and explaining it so that's what happened in this paragraph oh god.
I can't really remember what happens next, but basically Seagal is hired to buy a nuclear bomb for terrorists to sell weapons and you make money to spend money etc. Nothing much happened except that the terrorists robbed some more diamonds. People also get killed a lot in this movie after you've done what you were asked to do, so remember to never do anything if you're ever taken hostage. Also, don't fight Steven Seagal because a stunt-man will beat you up.
There's some more talking, they make the sale and there's a car chase in a truck. I stopped paying attention here as I was thinking what a good game you could have hiring mercenaries and then having car chases and stuff, so I stopped watching the movie and played Jagged Alliance 2.
Overall I'd say don't bother watching the movie, it's not so bad it's funny. It's just bad. Watch half past dead or something, because he's hanging out with DMX and stuff. Looking at the imdb page, he's played the same role in this movie as a previous one, so perhaps I should watch that first on the next mortal coil huh. It's also funny seeing how he's made about 15 movies in the last 4 years, yet only made 26 in his whole career. He also released an album, which isn't as bad as you'd think. That's about it
