Duck and Cover

Don't play it. It sucks.

You know that film, the one about that fellow with the shiny, shiny sunglasses, and the woman with red hair and a lisp who plot to do that thing with pliers to this one guy who really, really pissed them off ?

It's terrible. Avoid.

negro, please

"Euhe", maybe? Maybe indeed. Euhe.

Seriously though, I mean Bandits: Phoenix Rising. I had hopes for the game, you know, post-apo, gangs, Mad Max and whatnots. Well it was great, nice intro, nice menu, nice car, interesting music, nice graphics, then I played the game and it was all thrown out of the window. And into the pit of lava, if you didn't know we have lava pits here in Poland...

Anyway, the controls sucked, it's like HALO - so you drive in the direction you are facing with mouse and you also aim with mouse and this greatly helps your primary weapon which is turreted. Oh wait it doesn't help at all! You can use left/right to steer a little but it doesn't help much. And if I had to speak about handling, it's like driving Polonez.
Levels look like Microsoft's Motocross Madness 2, I shit you not, just with advanced fortifications here and there. I barely swallowed having multiple firearms on my machine, 'cause you know, in the dark future there is only so much ammo, but hey if they can build giant walls in the middle of a desert(And make gates which open if you destroy certain car, so remote) I guess they can make ammo too. And rockets. And mines. Did I mention rockets and mines are the same type of ammo? No? I guess you'll never know then.
Anyway I killed a dozen enemies, who scream pathetic lines at you and die pathetically and generally are highly uninteresting, then I killed dozen in next mission, and the one after that was a race, so I thought "WOW finally I will have advantage with my utter shitty scout buggy which can go from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds but barely drive up slopes", but at the end of a race yup, I got attacked by dozen enemies. So 4th mission was about attacking a "heavily protected" convoy, and if you haven't guessed I was still in the shitty buggy ALONE. Now I wouldn't dare to make assumptions that gang names were chosen to represent their mentality or something, but I was pleased swimming in my little lake of bitter irony, because I didn't tell you - my bandit group was named Wolf Pack. Or whatever. Caninoids? Something with wolves anyway.
So I destroyed a bridge and convoy took another route and I attacked it and I fought *two* dozen of enemies and I died. So I deleted the game and ISO praising The Penguins that I live in Liberal Poland and I can warez games all I want.

So in short it's crappy TPP shooting game which happens to have cars and post-apo setting, because post-apo is the best excuse if you want to have cars shooting at each other.

So there you go, as if "Don't play it. It sucks." wasn't enough...

yeah so what movie was blargh talking about

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My thanks for the indulgence of humour, Koki. In this instance I gladly defer to the bounty of your sacrifice.

You can turn off the mouse steering and the game is pretty sweet. I don't know what kind of sadistic asshole uses the default controls.

I managed to have fun with it, although the later levels are hard as fuck.

I thought that you were talking about Auto Assault.

Is this what happened to "Project Phoenix"?

Gonorrhea happened to Project Phoenix.

I thought you were talking about Twisted Metal.

Wow, '90s flashback.

I thought you were talking about latex hippos. Oh drat.

Subhuman wrote:Wow, '90s flashback.

How can you have '90s flashback, you live in the '80s.

Subhuman is from the future, in the past, though. :time-paradoxon:

I'm actually somewhat over my '80s phase.