Oblivion, fuckers

[jetbaby]

Yeah, I finally played it. For fifteen odd hours I played it. I was pretty much unimpressed. It was exactly as I pictured it. Morrowind, with slightly better graphics and hills. Hills everywhere. And entire continent of hills. No plains, no flat land, I mean Jesus forbid we grow some crops to feed the millions of starving blackies or whatever. But yeah. I wasn't impressed. It was playable, and I'd play it again if I was given the option of that or being raped in the butt, but given the choice between that or many other games and I'll pass.

Final rating: three :drunk::drunk: 's out of ten.



Edit. I forgot that the ZOMFG AMAZING GRAPHICS really only do exist in a twenty yard radius around you. After that apparently grass doesn't grow. Seriously. I'd rather have shitty bland landscape that's ALL shitty and bland than magical grass and shrubbery that grows at my feet. I feel like some kind of forest god, but it also makes for annoying gameplay.

Also the loading. Damn the random loading. Turn a corner? Load time. Turn around? Load time. Scratch your nuts? Load time. Maybe only for a half second or a second, but still piss ass annoying.


Further edit for clarification of my rating system. The scale is what is like... shit. Basically any game made as of late is rated on the drunk scale. In order to be actually GOOD, one must achieve ten of ten 's and progress to the scale, which is below the me making out with Susan ( ) scale.

[VasikkA]

Best review I've read so far.

[Blargh]

For fifteen odd hours I played it.

What meagre respect I once held for the entity known as 'jetbaby' has irrevocably dissolved to the sad refrain of this disturbing revelation.

Oh wai -

[Stainless]

You know, that entire crop comment, I never really considered, same with the hills. But now that I think about it, that's on the money. I'm sure there wasn't many farms/crops in Morrowind either, which makes you wonder if there's a continent made of nothing but farmland to feed the masses.

[jetbaby]

Hey. I was bored. My friend was drunk. I had nothing to do. It was late. I couldn't sleep. Then it was too late to sleep. Then I figured I'd suffer through to make a good, well informed post with the legitimate backing of actually having played the thing.


Edit. Upon further inspection of times, I arrived at his house at approximately eleven pee em. I left approximately one pee em. So thirteen hours. Subract urination, food, and "did I just see that shit"tery.

P.S. You're just angry because I got to play such an awesome game and you didn't.

[User_21937]

Please, you're just out to dis on bethesda. Anyone with at least a part of a brain and a hint of insight can tell Oblivion is not Morrowind. Aside from the viewpoint, the engine is entirely different. Hits are no longer based off chance, combat and blocking are now kinetic, and dialogue is no longer a dispensery of information akin to an encyclopedia.

I know you're worried about F3, but relax; it's in good hands, with fans of the games like you and me. If you feel it sucks in the end, it's most likely because you want it to suck.

[Mad Max RW]

Oblivion combat is simplistic and retarded. Dialogue is still crap. The only half decent thing is the exporation part. Sounds a whole lot like Morrowind to me.

FO3 IS NOT in good hands. How many franchises have to be passed around and shit on until people get it? Bethesda has no intention on making a RPG for real RPG fans. They're cashing in on the Fallout name to milk the "next gen" fad a little bit longer.

[Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD]

Best review ever.

Oblivion is a Morrowind clone with better graphics. Just because they improved combat doesn't change the fact that the fucking combat is still absolute garbage. You still do the exact same thing.

You can kill the guards in the first city when you steal from people pretty easily. Why the fuck have the guards, they might as well just leave the gear on a stump by the cave you exit at.

[Blargh]

good hands

I . . I haven't laughed like that since . . . the last time.

Thank you, Jim. You've gifted me something greater than you will ever comprehend.

[Jesus Christ]

I think Jim is on a recon mission for the rest of the Bethsoft fanboys planning for retaliation.

[Thor Kaufman]

Jimmy is from Antwerpen

fucking jew

[Redeye]

Please, you're just out to dis on bethesda. Anyone with at least a part of a brain and a hint of insight can tell Oblivion is not Morrowind. Aside from the viewpoint, the engine is entirely different. Hits are no longer based off chance, combat and blocking are now kinetic, and dialogue is no longer a dispensery of information akin to an encyclopedia.

I know you're worried about F3, but relax; it's in good hands, with fans of the games like you and me. If you feel it sucks in the end, it's most likely because you want it to suck.

OMFG, yoo shoore pwnzored the Fallout fanbois!

Why did you bring up combat as your primary example?

Until a means of properly controlling the character can be devised, it is still a bunch of button-mashing. (And what about all those headshots I got with my bow? Especially on sleeping people? Were those hits modeled? I guess I didn't notice.)
I'd prefer programmable auto-combat with pause to change tactics.

Encyclopedia-like info dispensing was annoying in Morrowind.
Astoundingly simplistic handholding babytalk dialogue in Oblivion is different, but not an improvement.
I would like to thank beth for realizing that I'm 9 years old.

Slavery, hos, child-napalming, drugs...

mmmmm... Fallout3.

We'll see, but they'll probably fuck it up.

The ignorant, tasteless fucktards at the review sites/magazines will slobber all over it no matter what.

Would you like to place a wager?

[Blargh]

Gambling ? Certainties offer no such opportunity, they boast only the weary and dubious benefits of foresight and uncommon sense.

Poker playing paper panda ? Oho.

[jetbaby]

Please, you're just out to dis on bethesda. Anyone with at least a part of a brain and a hint of insight can tell Oblivion is not Morrowind. Aside from the viewpoint, the engine is entirely different. Hits are no longer based off chance, combat and blocking are now kinetic, and dialogue is no longer a dispensery of information akin to an encyclopedia.

I know you're worried about F3, but relax; it's in good hands, with fans of the games like you and me. If you feel it sucks in the end, it's most likely because you want it to suck.

Hardly. The "improved" combat now consists entirely of typical first person shooter circle strafing.... with the addition that both the enemy and myself have shields out while we do it. I find no pleasure in standing for thirty seconds because the enemy is blocking and I am blocking. And dialogue sucks. Find me a world where no one needs food and where everyone shares the same twelve voices.

P.S. Exploration really is the only fun part. But the new fast travel takes the necessity of travel out of the game. Why walk when I can click and instantly appear on the other side of the world.

Also, try to explore when every three seconds the world implodes as the game bounces between chugging graphics and temporary loading screens because your horse moves you faster than the game is able to handle.

[baby arm]

You guys be nice to Jim, ok? I invited him for a sleep over and I don't want you people getting him all cranky before bedtime. Manners are important.

[Redeye]

You guys be nice to Jim, ok? I invited him for a sleep over and I don't want you people getting him all cranky before bedtime. Manners are important.

Watch out! Rummy's in the closet!

[Wolfman Walt]

I'll most likely never buy Oblivian because I honestly don't think there's a point. At one point I think it might be fun to get a morrowind 2.0 with better graphics. I like fantasy games for the most part and there really hasn't been a good RPG for Fantasy since Baldur's Gate....but then I realize there's no point. You "roleplay" but you never really get anywhere besides further along the linear storyline. But I mean, your character never develops. He's the same at Lvl 1 as he is at Lvl whatever and no matter what he can kill everyone. It just makes the whole experience pointless in my eyes for whatever reason.

[Redeye]

I'll most likely never buy Oblivian because I honestly don't think there's a point. At one point I think it might be fun to get a morrowind 2.0 with better graphics. I like fantasy games for the most part and there really hasn't been a good RPG for Fantasy since Baldur's Gate....but then I realize there's no point. You "roleplay" but you never really get anywhere besides further along the linear storyline. But I mean, your character never develops. He's the same at Lvl 1 as he is at Lvl whatever and no matter what he can kill everyone. It just makes the whole experience pointless in my eyes for whatever reason.

I'd mail you my copy for postage cost, but then someone'll make an awesome mod that makes Oblivion smart and engaging and...

oh, fuck it.


Maybe I should get around to finishing gta-sa.

&/or go back to mining abandonware/etc.

It really does all suck now.

suckity suck suck suck

I generally budget $100 a year for games. (Not counting bargain bin.)

Last year: GTA:SA & NWN Diamond (avoided nwn before then, now I know why.)

This year: Oblivion & ? (I'm pretty sure NWN2 can go fuck itself. Gothic3?)

I spend way more time bitching about games than I do actually playing them.

[Wolfman Walt]

I spend way more time bitching about games than I do actually playing them.

To be fair, there's a lot to bitch about.

[Smiley]

Has bethesda done anything else than the elder scrolls..?

As long as we're stuck with them making it, I suggest we try to nudge them in the right direction as good as we can.

Nudging prefferably done with a chain, whip and iron pipe.