Duck and Cover

You wake up in a cold room, the walls are slick with grease. In front of you is a door and in the corner is a poorly dog. In your pockets you have a bottle of water and some sunglasses.

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC

I instantly blink, blackening my vision for a meaningless split second. I think I hear howling. However, I don't.

In the blink of an eye you realize the room is in fact suspended 1000 feet above your house by a spiders web. You try to scream, but it is impossible due to no oxygen existing so high up in the air. You start to panic, and then see a giant sky spider crawling out of the husk of an airplane. A single tear rolls out of your eye.

WHAT WILL YOU DO.

Megatron wrote:You wake up in a cold room, the walls are slick with grease. In front of you is a door and in the corner is a poorly dog. In your pockets you have a bottle of water and some sunglasses.

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC

put se sunglasses on and drink the water.

You chug down the water as if you were Odin himself. Through the sunglasses you notice a luminescent passage written above the dog. "Give the dog water and it will help you escape okay." You look out of the room again and the spider has noticed you, all 28 of its scaly legs scramble forwards, quickly speeding towards your greasy prison.

Since I drank the water already, I stick my fingers down my throat as much as I can to make me vomit the water at the dog, so he can enjoy it too.

The dog happily laps up the water and stands at the door, turns its head over its shoulder and gives you a wink. You hop on board and wait for liftoff! "We've got company!" you shout as the spider is literally, hundreds of yards away. The dog jumps out and you both start falling through the air until the rocket boosters fire up and you start flying away.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO DAC

I command the dog to fly me down to my house, where I can find some weapon fit for slaying such a mighty foe as a 28 legged spiderbeast.

You enter your house and find half a scissor. You hop back on the dog and boost all the way back up, scissor held in front of you ready to spear the foul black beast. As you get nearer and nearer you notice the giant spider is in fact falling towards you. Making a first pass you draw the blade across the jellied thing, but your scissor is just not good enough for the task. The spider then shoots out a weblet that catches the dog right in the nuts, dragging you down to your rapidly advancing splattery grave.

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC

Megatron wrote:You chug down the water as if you were Odin himself. Through the sunglasses you notice a luminescent passage written above the dog. "Give the dog water and it will help you escape okay." You look out of the room again and the spider has noticed you, all 28 of its scaly legs scramble forwards, quickly speeding towards your greasy prison.

I give the dog some water and pet him afterwards and say "Go for the spider, meatdog!" Then i turn around, twice. Looking up and down and doing one jump. "Hugh" "Hugh" i say, while singing "itsy bitsy spider nigga" on the beat of raindrops. bum bum.

also, i still wear my sunglasses

After that brief flashback into an alternative universe, reality hits you in the face like a cold dead mother. Sweating bullets, you cut the dogs bollocks off with one clean cut as more little mini webs hit you in the face and drag you down do your swirling doom. All of a sudden a helicopter arrives with your best friend leaning out of the window.

"Hey, mate. Grab hold of this rope ladder."

You grab onto the rope ladder, but the spider is still hanging onto your face and pulling the helicopter down with it! You are about to crash into your house!

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC

You fly towards an oncoming train and align your face just above the train and then look into the spiders eye and say hippy-ki-ya- motherfucka.

Hey! I'm next, alright?

The spider is squashed by the locomotive for 500 points of damage and is killed. You start to laugh and you friend plays dramatic music as you climb into the helicopter and sit down, taking off your sunglasses.
"Thanks hombre, back there I thought I was spider food."
Your friend laughs and you punch each other playfully as the helicopter ascends into the clouds.
"So where are we going?" You curiously enquire, putting on your sunglasses.
"We gotta go back to the hood CJ. Moms is dead and the ballas have took over."
He hits a button and 2 chrome uzis fold out of the wall. "Lock and load baby!" he shrieks, firing a minigun in the air while screaming.

You land in your childhood homes front street and everyone comes out to greet you.
"Come on hermano, it's payback time."
But first you enter your childhood house for a glass of water. It is quiet. Too quiet. And you have foolishly left your guns by the front door, when suddenly a door bangs open.

WHO IS THERE DAC

It is your grandfather and he is very upset about something. He is wearing a blazer and one of those "old boy" caps, and not much else. I tell him to be cool, but he doesn't seem to approve of this suggestion. He staggers towards you, and you start to notice that not everything is as it should be.

WHAT HAPPEN DAC

I take off his mask!

Underneath his mask is a mess of magical multicoloured mangroves which each individually drip a cloudly liquid. Upon further inspection the drops each represent a branch on your family tree, as the souls of your ancestor sit cross-legged and mouths agape in pure fear. Your mind is slowly bended into insanity before rubberly bouncing back to pure survival, you pick up a pair of nail clippers and very slowly try and cut of his head.

His arms flail around wildly, eventually snapping at the various pressure points you had learned were important and exclusive to an advanced alien race known as "The Masked Aliens". He pushes you to the weed floor and pulls out a brain sucking device.

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC

Is it too late to anally rape the dog with the sunnies on?

diligently i wrap my lips around the brainsucking device, trembling with fear before the wrinkled old haggard fella like he was yahweh himself. "well dogshit, if you're going to do it then make it quick gran'pa," i say, shutting my eyes and anticipating a good brain sucking.

WHAT IS THE OUTCOME MEGATRON

He yanks back on the trigger and you start to feel your brains literally being sucked out of your head when your best friend in the world comes through the front door.
"What the...SUCK!" he yells, eagerly bringing up a desert eagle and squeezing off a few shots before taking cover behind a mirror. Grandpa Alien unplugs the brain sucker and tries to fire at your friend, but brain sucking rays bounce back and he sucks his own brains out.

"You really saved me there, son." you congratulate your friend with a hearty pat on the back.
"This is the problem. The masked aliens are taking over earth, and we are the only ones who can stop them."
"Oh." You say, standing over the brainless alien. You take off your sunglasses and notice that when you are wearing the sunglasses, everything is darker. Weird! But no time for that now, there seems to be a commotion outside. You grab your guns and skip out of the front door, only to see an alien mothership deploy giant spiders with aliens riding on the back.
"Looks like this party started already."
"Lucky for us we got invitations." says your friend, pumping his shotgun with glee. What a rock and rolling friend you have. I hope he doesn't die.

Suddenly an alien swoops overheard and crashes into the city hall where a billion dollars worth of priceless artifacts from egypt are being stored.
"Dammit! What should we do! WHAT SHOULD WE DO!"

WHAT WILL YOU DO DAC