Duck and Cover

Chapter 1 :
2290: there has been a breakthough of horrible mawlings of people i have seen what these things that they can do they are like deathclaws but bigger and like 4o times steronger. I am sargeant Roy stark you ten men have been chosen to join me in a raid of the xel lotah base we head out in 08:00 hours


21:00: we have just got word that the xel lotah have been going thourgh and wiping out city's there next is new reno you and the fire storm will be heading there and protecting them now head out .


11:00 : We made it out into new reno to only find it as a derliect
we have split up into 3 groups and ahve radio to find out where they are me and grey and spook we went to 2nd street and went ot the shark club
everybody is dead but when we went up stairs the body's were everywhere mangled went up to the third floor and found leslie bishop cornered by a elite spook being an idiot shot the elite but it moved and bishop just ducked the elite moved by spook i took out my vindactor mingun and bblew the bastard away. Bishop told us that people were tooken away to the east . But then then the scariest thing happened her head blew off and then the xel lotah bonetheif appeard and jumped on spook and athen 20 more xel lotah appeared and took us captured ...

no offense and all, but thats not a story, it's a large-paragraph. And could you change your name, its pretty much an add-on to mine.

Illiterate.

Nuff said. Here are some things for you to learn:

-Quotation marks
-Paragraphs
-That little "Shift" key
-Spelling

Oh, and on a textual note, "like deathclaws" does not work in FO.

Can't you people read it is the first fucking chapter you stupid cunts

One, that isn't a chapter. Two, we apparently can read. You just can't write. If you could spell and follow the guidelines as to what I already suggested, it may be better received.

Since you act like an idiot, I'll give it a full blasting then. 2290 is not a time, though it was written to be one apparently. There are HOW many minutes in an hour again? And it couldn't be a year, because Horrigan dies in 2241.

You have to use little nifty thingies called quotation marks for dialogue, thanks. See that little key to the left of your enter key? Hold shift (the big key below your enter key) and press it. There, you have a quotation mark! Oh, and that little shift key may help you in making something else: capital letters! Try it out.

Another thing - Frank Horrigan never went to New Reno. He couldn't have. The player would no doubt have heard stories about him when he goes there in FO2. And there would have been something about any such "like deathclaw" creatures, too, especially if they killed so many people. You don't use the word "like" in writing as you did in the following sentence:

"like deathclaws but bigger and like 40 times steronger"

You would write:

"like deathclaws but bigger and forty times stronger"

(I fixed your grammatical and spelling errors, too, there.)

The player would have also heard that such creatures had wiped out villages (not cities, as the only four areas in the FO game area that could be called such are Necropolis, The Hub, New Reno, and NCR) and had been heading towards New Reno.

And if you want to get VERY technical, "tooken" is not a word. And here are some handy spellings for you: maulings, Sergeant, cities, derelict, have, bodies, Vindicator, minigun, thief, captive. Those may help you a little.

What is the "fire storm"? Where would the "xel lotah" appear from when they take the characters captured? I say characters because if this is supposed to be Frank Horrigan's story, where is he? HOW did Bishop's head blow off, why, and why is this something never touched upon in the games?

Give details as to areas and specifics. This would barely qualify as an OUTLINE of a story. I'll be posting a story later today (the first portion of it, anyway). Take a look at that for what I mean.

Have I made you look stupid enough yet?

Addendum: Oh, on my bit about you using 2290, I stand corrected. I should have realized that you are using hundred-minute hours, each minute with ten seconds, and each of those seconds equal to 3.6 normal ones. Forgive me.

i forgive you

eh?

Who?
What?
When?
Where?
Why?

I wouldn't bother, Pyro. If he didn't get what I already said, he won't get anything.

Begins to laugh at the pure randomness of it all. Seriously do you have a recent version of word? if so use the little red lines heres my tips for the day

Spell out numbers
Punctuation is everyones business
Keep at it practice

Heres a site to help
http://littlecalamity.tripod.com/HowTo2.html

and Critiscm helps (You may get better without it but thats highly unlikely) to take it too harshly