The Chronicles of Walt: Escape from Ass Rape Prison

[Wolfman Walt]

Based on Aonoran's recommendation.

I work at a prison. You do not want to work at a prison. Prisons are fucking filthy places with like 60% of our population having Hep C, amongst other nasty diseases. Prison's naturally carry prisoners. Some of them are ok. Some of them are fucking assholes who need a special form of medicine that should be applied 5 times a day via foot to ass. All of them are scum who are gonna like shit to you if it'll benefit them.

For those who didn't know it from the title, I work at the largest medium security prison in the state, and we house a lot of different inmates. Only a fourth of our inmates are actually normal general population since we house alot of A. psychotic inmates and B. elderly, disabled, or otherwise unable to take care of themselves.

I'm generally working in either the section that deals with the super psychotic inmates or the section where we get what are known as "residents," who are the new guys and have no clue how shit works in prison. It's also the worst dorm on the yard. Needless to say, my job is fun and adventure filled and I've already seen some very fucked up shit.

Case in point? We were giving showers to the psychotic inmates today. This involves handcuffing them and sticking them into the showers and when they get done we cuff em up, release them to their room and then uncuff them. This one guy suddenly decides (for no reason) at the end of his shower that he's gonna be a jackass. He stands there, buck assed naked, and announces he's done. We tell him to put his clothes on and he refuses. We tell him again to put his clothes on and this fucker jumps onto the grated gate like he was spider man and starts screaming at the top of his lungs about A. how he's gonna fuck us up and B. how we have his rat terrier. Needless to say, this fucker went on lock down and we rolled up in that shower, cuffed him, and put him in his cell buck assed naked. He was definitely done, needless to say.

This is the type of shit I have to put with daily in the crazy house.

I'd rather deal with the crazy house people cause the general population is even worse. Atleast with the crazy folks, half the time they're just talking to themselves and aren't planning to manipulate you. When I work dorm 2, there's this honestly nice convict who talks to me always, but whenever shit goes down, he tries to pit me against the other officers and that's not how it goes down. I actually had to listen to him tell me that I should stand up because putting the dorm on lockdown because the lazy assed janitors weren't doing their job (of which they earn about a quarter of what I make a month) and my other dorm officer had enough of cleaning up after em. Nothing like getting a speech of doing what's right from a guy who wasn't too successful at it.

This is my day. I spend it with scum. Murderers and thieves. More to come as it transpires and I remember the crazy shit. I have plenty.

[Sloth]

We tell him again to put his clothes on and this fucker jumps onto the grated gate like he was spider man and starts screaming at the top of his lungs about A. how he's gonna fuck us up and B. how we have his rat terrier.

lmao.

Have you ever seen someone do the "spiderman?"

[jetbaby]

Begin killing the worst one by one in secrecy. Become wrath.

[Blargh]

Questions !

One, for now :

Within the context of your experiences, how realistic a portrayal of the American penal system would you consider the television program Oz ?

Ohoho.

[VasikkA]

How does one become a dungeon keeper? Do you undergo intense physical training(I know you do have some proficiency in the art of HtH ass kicking) and do you have to take exams about prisoners' legal rights etc.? I assume prison work is not for everybody and a significant number of officers can't handle the pressure, or am I incorrect?

[airsoft guy]

Replace their regular shampoo with one of hickory. That should calm them down.

[Aonaran]

Do you have any black people in your prison?

[VasikkA]

Do you herd two(or several) gangs into one area and make bets on the winner?

[Redeye]

Paint the walls pink, with unicorns and rainbows.

Add lavender scent to the air system.

[vx trauma]

Brilliant stuff. A monthly air guitar day for the nutjubs, ja? sell tickets. profit.

[rad resistance]

Whats the yearly salary for dealing with nut jobs?

[Wolfman Walt]

how realistic a portrayal of the American penal system would you consider the television program Oz ?

To be fair, Oz takes place in a maximum security prison. I've also never seen Oz, so I can't compare it too hard, but I will say not nearly like they show it. Inmates do fucked up stuff, but since I've been there, no ones been stabbed to death or anything like that. Infact, the joke goes - "No one dies in our prison," because even if they're cold and stiff as fucking rocks, we send em out where they're pronounced dead elsewhere. It is dangerous, but I will say it is completely unlike what the media portrays prison to be like. BUT I work at a medium security prison, the only one in my state that is a max security is KSP and it's apperently abit harder up there, so I'd say it's more Oz-like there.

How does one become a dungeon keeper?

You seriousily just apply. It apperently used to be that if you had a pulse, you were in. One of my sergeants started training on a broken leg, that's how hard up they were on people. Nowadays it's abit harder. I apperently beat out 200 people for my job. As for the requirements: be over 21 and not have a criminal history. That's seriousily it. We have some officers on my shift who have to be atleast 500 pounds of lard. You do not have to have a single physical requirement to join - however if you wish to be in CERT (Correctional Emergency Response Team) like I do, you have to be in a remote semblence of physical shape. Otherwise, nada. I'd say out of my class, I'm the best trained for hand to hand combat as the training for hand to hand is a week long and it consists of 5 holds. We did hold escapes in the span of an hour during week one. I think my favorite part is that we have a week of firearms training and you can go your entire career without handling one since you're unarmed while in the prison.

Academy is 4 weeks long and covers the basics, but not nearly enough. Even worse is that your first day, they basically just throw you to the wolves. My first day was in segregation. Imagine a prison within prison and you have segregation. It's like hell on earth and to compound that notion, there is NO air conditioning in seg. So, you're stuck in a hall of about 30 whiny little bastards who make every little complaint into the world fucking ending and you're responsible for a million things and it's just you. All of them need showers, but they can only take a shower one at a time because they might fight if you let more than one out at a time. All of them want their mail, RIGHT now. All of them want more food. All of them want to act like they run the fucking place. And then you have to deal with your duties, such as mandatory cell searches (2 per shift) and rounds (atleast every 30 minutes). I hate fucking seg.

Do you have any black people in your prison?

They say about 40% of our prisoners are black, but I swear it's more than that. I didn't even know this many black people existed in Kentucky...but then again, I'm around Louisville, so it makes sense within context. But yes, I have black prisoners and yes some throw it in your face.

The other day I was working crazy house and I went to one of the lesser crazy wings. To elaborate, this section is seperated into 3 seperate wings with C wing being the craziest. I'm talking about guys who have entire conversations with themselves crazy. I know one guy in this section has been convinced he's been having an atleast 5 day long conversation with his sergeant because he's on a mission to recover weapons or something like that. He truely is Solid Snake. A and B are steps down with A containing the weaker inmates and B containing the stronger inmates and sometimes has seg inmates when seg get's full. Control center calls and says she see's one in the section with his shirt off, so I go to get his ID. He's pissed. I return his ID after I get all the info I need and he's even more pissed. I tell him I'm just doing my job and if he has a problem. Apperently I'm his problem and he takes afew steps back with a combative stance and says I'm not in his weight class. Oh man, I had the biggest fucking grin on my face at that and even waited afew moments for him to try and punch me so I could ruin his day. Didn't happen so I walk back and get the goon squad who force him into his cell (at this point, since I was threatened, I couldn't be involved by policy since they feel I'm more liable to put his face through the concrete...to be fair, they're right.) Not more than 30 minutes later, he wants to complain that I called him a swell guy and wants me fired.

They do shit like this ALL the time. Everyone in prison is mistreated because of their skin color. It has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with how much of a shitbag they are...only their race. Stupidity knows no bounds and it's a good way to piss me the fuck off. Apperently he's making threats that next time he sees me, he's gonna mess me up. I'm requesting permenent post in that area because of this asshole.

gangs

Apperently the Aryan Brotherhood are the worst gang out on the yard. The other important gang is the Mexican Mafia. For reference - I didn't even know this state HAD any Mexicans aside from the 15 that worked on my parent's house.

yearly salary

Right now, I clear about 750 per pay check after taxes, so after taxes about........18000-19000. Depending on overtime. Ofcourse, after 8 months I get a 5% pay increase...which is shit and part of the reason I'm looking into better work for the feds.

[rad resistance]

Cool a solid snake wannabe, thats fucking awesome.

[jetbaby]

You didn't respond to my post, which was, by far, the most important.

[Wolfman Walt]

They're all the worst. There can be no secrecy if I'm killing everyone.

[Nicolai]

How often do people get raped by other inmates?

[Jim the Dinosaur]

and when they do do they write heartwrenching poetry about it that you can then confiscate and maybe publish under a pseudonym making money

[Jim the Dinosaur]

i suggest smiley as a pseudonym lol you can start your rape poetry bundle with the one in my sig

[Blargh]

Ah, my question a withered sapling. To reiterate :

Walt, do you or any segment of the totem pole, such as it is, have much business with exorcists, mediums et al (that you know of) with regard to issues of environmental psychology and/or cleanliness ?

Ahaha.

K.K - You might want to consider watching Oz as it is bold in its unflinching awfulness. Perhaps it might provide you with some (further ?) witty banter in which to indulge as you gleefully (I hope) oppress the innocent and despairing. Also, stale limpets.

[Cthulhugoat]

How many people usually die in there, on a weekly/monthly basis?