Room mate torture

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:42 am

As most, or atleast some of you know, I hate my room mate. Infact, there should be another word for how much I hate him, but I don't think its been invented yet. To be fair, let me explain WHY I hate him.

-He's a pot smoker, thats enough grounds for automatically punching him in the face.
-He's a whigger. He's not even good at being a whigger. He listens to rap music that black people refuse to touch. Whats worse is he silently mouths alongside of that rap as well as plays it while I'm asleep. If I ask him to use his headphones, he plugs them in and he plays it louder on his headphones then on the speakers.
-He uses the microwave while I'm asleep. Normally this would be Ok, but this microwave is situated right next to my head and we're not entirely sure if it causes cancer.
-He finds the indescribable need to walk around in his boxers, especially when I'm in the room. I imagine Hell holds nothing compared to seeing a slowly getting fat pretty boy douche bag in his boxers all day.
-He turns on the air conditioner, which is ok since I have a heater, unfortunetly when I'm gone he turns off my heater and makes the room a chilly 50 degrees.
-He seems to have no problem jacking off while I'm in the room. This also causes the room to smell like old tires.......He also doesn't seem to mind stopping as me and my mom walked in on him once. Atleast I didn't have to explain the smell to my mom any longer.
-Speaking of sex, he also doesn't seem to have any problem bringing girls in and having sex while I'm trying to sleep. This is why I no longer say "Its like porn, only without the sex" because I said that one night and the sex started and I had to poke my eyes out with a spork.
-He watches "The Real World" instead of "Dave Chappelle", nuff said.
-I'm slowly becoming accustomed to him making phone calls when I'm asleep. Nothing like waking up to "Yea, I tried to have anal sex..." and then wishing god would cause my dorm building to collapse because the thought of 13 stories of concrete piling ontop of me sounds indefinetly better then anything that could end that sentence.
-He thinks "Idle Hands" is a genius movie, at the same time, he hated Dawn of the Dead and Lost in Translation. My guess is because they didn't have any stupid assed stoners.
-His drunk friend decided to pee on my door before I knocked him over the head with a bokken (True story)
-He for some odd reason thinks its cool to leave the door unlocked when he loses the keys and expects me to be some sort of doorman for him and then gets angry when I'm not.
-He's a pussy and wants me to be as quiet as possible with as little light as possible when I stay up.
-Positively THE WORST and I mean THE WORST thing he does, and he never fails to, is to use his fucking hair dryer 3 times a day, generally when I'm trying to sleep.

To counter this, I've started a campaign of revenge. To date.
-I've poisoned every bottle of yellow gatorade he's ever had by pissing in it. I guess this is why he switched to purple.
-His toothbrush has become my personal cleaning utensile
-I destroyed one hair dryer by setting it to 220voltage and he threw it away
-I've kidnapped another hair dryer which became target practice for my Ruger.
-I've changed my sleep cycle to late at night excursions to keep him awake.
-I've gotten CloudGT to randomly call and harrass him.

So ugh, I need some ideas.

Oh yea, btw, 1-513-465-7749 is his cell phone number, feel free to call. *Edit* Ask for Ryan Staas if you have to. Hell, I'll try and get his parents number, they deserve punishment for giving birth to him. I need to find his girlfriends phone number as he's cheating on her with as many women as possible (They go to differant colleges).

EvoG · Post by **EvoG** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:10 pm

LOL. I have no reply other than that is some funny shit. The phone number is great. Get EVERYONE to call and leave harassing messages about how he was screwing around with their girlfriend and is going to come after him and so on. Maybe threatening creditor calls, bank account garnishment. Walt, give us his bosses name or at least the company he works for, call and tell him he's fired.

I'd refrain from using your urine or feces in the off chance he gets ill and its detected...at least if you poop in his chili or something.

NO EVIDENCE.

Otherwise...keep us posted. Maybe some pics of your deeds.

I guess I had a reply after all. Hehe.

Cheers

LlamaGod · Post by **LlamaGod** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:20 pm

50 degrees is chilly? What?

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:29 pm

It is when you're sitting in shorts and a t-shirt and demand warmth.

Yea I would, except he doesn't fucking work because he's a lazy bum. What I might do instead is get you the number of his soccer coach because thats the only thing he does besides drink, smoke pot, masturbate, and try to lure other girls into bed with him. I should tell him to start drug testing.

*Edit* I have acouple of pictures of me shooting the hairdryer, unfortunetly I have no pictures of the post product. I'll try to get a new camera when I head back home as we left it laying in a ditch. I have a pretty good piece of its siding that was blown off, has a bullet hole going right through the middle.

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:30 pm

Normal house temperature is somewhere around 75 degrees Fahrenheit / 25 degrees Celcius. So I guess 50 degrees Fahrenheit / 10 degrees Celcius is kinda chilly.

Anyways, this is some great stuff. Just make sure he won't see this topic, or otherwise he could sue you for sharing his cell phone number or something...

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:31 pm

No worries, he hates fallout, all the more reason for me to accidently push him down the Garbage chute.

EvoG · Post by **EvoG** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:34 pm

50 degrees is AWFUL for sitting around in your shorts and shirt, mebbie watching tv or working, fuck yea. Ugh. I'd beat him down for that alone. HATE COLD!!!

LlamaGod · Post by **LlamaGod** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:35 pm

Pah, I sit in the snow in short and a shirt.

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:35 pm

This really isn't a complaint about him as much as just a REALLY weird fact. He can't eat alone. I'm serious, every day I've lived with him he's called up a friend anytime he's wanted to eat. Its positively creepy. "Hey, I got this sandwich, meet me near the foodmall so I can eat." Which sounds funny, except he actually said that once.

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:36 pm

Hehe, 'thas got to be either an unconcious fetish or a perverted obsession. Don't know what's the difference, but creepy nevertheless.

LlamaGod · Post by **LlamaGod** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:39 pm

I dont like to eat in darkness, heh. I always need atleast a small light (monitor, whatever) to eat something. But I imagine if I had no choice i'd just shrug through it (like a power outage or something).

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:47 pm

I guess to get the idea wagon started, how about putting salt into his contact sollution? Shouldn't 1 or 2 grains make him wish he was never born?

LlamaGod · Post by **LlamaGod** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:51 pm

Haha, yeah. Try to get someone to shave their pubes with his razor, too.

Get an airhorn for when you're up late, too. Make noise with it and when he wakes and goes 'wat da fucks mang?' just say it was the TV or the computer or something.

Mad Max RW · Post by **Mad Max RW** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 3:04 pm

Call the police or the RAs on him the next time he smokes weed. I certainly wouldn't have put up with that shit.

LlamaGod · Post by **LlamaGod** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 3:22 pm

Also, I thing I used to do to combat rap fuckers when I lived in apartments, was I had a stereo with small-ish speakers, and i'd put them facing against the idiot's wall, then turn on symphony music really really loud.

MurPHy · Post by **MurPHy** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 4:40 pm

BWAHAHA! This whole thread is hilarious, it reminds me of something that Hammer would do. Good one Walt.

Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD · Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:08 pm

Wolfman Walt wrote:I guess to get the idea wagon started, how about putting salt into his contact sollution? Shouldn't 1 or 2 grains make him wish he was never born?

holy christ that fucking burns like mad. my buddies thought that would be a good idea last time i got hammered with them. i cant tell you how much that burned.

my roommate has some of the same problems as yours but mine is never around so i pretty much live by myself.

calling the RA is a rather pussy idea i think. just go into his room when hes in class and do something to his weed.

Wolfman Walt · Post by **Wolfman Walt** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:12 pm

One problem with that, he doesn't keep the weed, his friends do. We also share a single 18x6 space so its not like we have "rooms" as much as "this is my 5 foot space".

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:14 pm

put around 10 drops of clear eyes eye solution in his beverage of choice, this will make him shit so much he will wish he was dead.

Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD · Mon Mar 22, 2004 5:14 pm

Wolfman Walt wrote:One problem with that, he doesn't keep the weed, his friends do. We also share a single 18x6 space so its not like we have "rooms" as much as "this is my 5 foot space".

thats fuckin terrible. i dont think id live in a house where there werent seperate living spaces. i would probably go nuts living with the average populace at my age.

"yo g-dog, lets go down to the club and pick up some skanks foshizzle" "while we drive there we can listen to shitty jap-pop and make like we are hardcore listening to rap".